Ex girlfriend left me scarred

by Chris
(London)

I met my girlfriend over five years ago and fell for her as soon as I met her. we clicked straight away and did everything together. I would do everything I could for her anything she wanted I would get it without hesitation as I just wanted her to be happy. Her happiness was everything to me. She had had a tough up bringing as neither of her parents where ever there for her, I promised myself I would always do everything in my power to keep her smiling and happy so she would never be reminded of her troubled past. It wasn't soon before her past family problems caught up with her. She was devastated as she was never able to deal these problems mentally always got to her. Being with me alway made her feel better and at ease. Having only her best interests at heart I suggested we move away together away from all her problems. She was over the moon at this idea and was happy with it. As long as she was happy that's all that mattered. So we moved in together and it was amazing we both did everything together, both deeply in love. All her problems were a thing of the past now and I could see she was really happy and always smiling. We both meet loads of new friends and had a large social circle. She became close to a lot of women which was good, but were a few who I didn't approve of as I was told by friends that they were bad news and in with the wrong kinds of people. I told my girlfriend to be careful but didn't pressurise her as I was never like that I just wanted to look out for her. I had always given her space to do whatever she wanted as we held a lot of trust in each other which was great. It had been four years now. she became close to this guy I knew about as she told me about him and how they were just close friends. I had even met him when me and her were out together he seemed like nice guy and knew we were together. My girlfriend and i had always planned our future together and what we were going to do so I had no reason to feel insecure so never thought nothing of it. It had been five years together things were still good between us but she was still really close to this guy when them talking became a daily occurrence I confronted her if anything was going on but she denied it like always and said she would never do anything like that and that she loved me even swore on my life so I immediately let it go and believed her. It wasn't until she left her phone in our bedroom one day and I saw a message from him. My worse fears were confirmed she had been cheating on me. I confronted her but she still denied it until finally I learned that she had been cheating on me for a whole year. I felt heartbroken, why had she done this to me after everything we had been through. I had never wronged her, had always given her all she wanted, had only her best interest at heart. If she felt so compelled to do this if I had a fault in me then why didn't she leave me for him, it drives me crazy to think why she done it while we where together knowing I'd be so hurt. To do it for a whole year and be completely fine with me lying about it and not showing one ounce of guilt killed me so I left without looking back. I put so much much trust in her and having that broken I don't think I could ever trust again. She broke me mentally and I don't think I could ever be at ease and trust another woman. I don't think I have the energy to go through another relationship with all trust I had broken. I'm changed to how I used to be I wish I wasn't but all this has done is leaveme scarred. I am optimistic I can recover from this but a year on I still suffer from insecurities and trust issues.

Comments for Ex girlfriend left me scarred

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Oct 26, 2014
Me too
by: Anonymous

I went through the exact same thing, loved her with all my heart. 5 years and gave her lots of trust and freedom. Mixed with the wrong crowd, together with work stresses on both our sides and difficulties in transitioning into the new phases of our lives, she fell into an emotional affair which became a torrid physical love affair. It went on for 1 year. Had my suspicions but I thought she would never do it to me. Discovered after seeing text msgs from him on her phone. Devastated. Blamed myself, thought I didn't do enough for her though I've already done a lot. Tried to make it up to her. 2 weeks later I discovered she was still seeing him.

Found out the full extent of the affair in the most painfully comprehensive way possible - she accidentally forwarded their email correspondences to me. Read the entire thread, months and months worth of correspondences. Told him my secrets, shared laughs about me, went on trips together which she lied to me about, went for marriage preparations classes together, had unprotected sex with pregnancy scares, plans to marry me and then cheat on me in secret, plans to use my money for themselves, plans to marry me then divorce take my money and elope.

Needless to say I was devastated and emotionally traumatized beyond belief. We were planning to get married. She was the love of my life and I loved her with every fibre of my being.

It's been a year now and you know what? I still love her. Writing this makes me remember my anger. But I still can't let go. I still love that sweet, innocent, cheerful, unassuming, polite, down to earth girl I met 5 years ago.

Sep 28, 2014
scarred
by: Anonymous

All I can say is sorry I went through the same thing it hurts like hell may god give u strength to overcome the pain

Jul 24, 2013
Ex girlfriend left me scarred
by: Doreen U.K.

Chris take yourself off to a good counsellor. Make sure it is the right one. You will soon lose your insecurities. Either way you will become a stronger person and find yourself again. One never knows what will happen in life. Your girlfriend must have felt good to have two men in her life. You loved her and she played you off against the other. At least you found out that was not the girl for you. I guess it is her past that has left her scarred and unable to commit to a relationship with you. But as you say she could have been honest about this and left. Not left you feeling like a fool for loving her all this time. She made a mockery out of your love for her.
If you get counselling you will get over this loss fast and will live again. Don't let this relationship limit your life and stop you living again and finding the right person. WE may keep losing people from our life in different ways but this way is cruel and heartless.
In another relationship don't give too much of yourself to the relationship. e.g. don't carry the other person. You may have such a caring personality that someone could take advantage of this and leave you bleeding. People that have this type of caring personality get hurt often. I should know. IT HURTS. But there is nothing wrong with you. It is how a needy person responds to this that could be the problem. Just carry on being YOU. Another person may warm to you and you will find love again. Don't limit your life. LIVE IT. Put this girl in your past and don't let her affect your future.

Jul 23, 2013
So sorry
by: Dianne

I am so sorry for your experience with the person you loved. My darling son died 7 months ago, he was in a similar situation to you and had his life torn apart by the women he loved. She had a lot of issues and my son tried so hard to heip her always making excuses up for her, giving in to her, allowing her her freedom. She always talked about their future together. But the truth was she needed for herself and used her problems as an excuse to use and abuse. I don,t know if this is your story but if it is please understand that you and no one will ever be able to give them happiness because that is not what they want they want the power of control, of watching the person that loves then fall to their knees. Then they see you as weak which gives them the right in their head to find someone else. YOU found the strength to walk away. Please don't carry the scars of that relationship forward in your heart or head as my son did. Painful as it is at this moment understand that you have to trust in love again . But remember that love is about sharing Not one person demanding more than the other.

Jul 23, 2013
Live your life!
by: Anonymous

Look in the mirror know that you are worthy and that God form you to is like, a beautiful soul with the power to do any thing, we are here for a short while, have a purpose honor yourself and God who loves you so much, we all go through pain, its what we learn from it afterwards, move forward. Life is temporary don't waste anymore time are energy... I lost my daughter in her sleep the pain will never go away, my tears will never stop falling but I need to honor her each and everyday while I'm here on the earthly life until we see other again....

LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!

Build your trust in God, and trust others..

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