Excited but scared

by Donna

Sat. the 26th my youngest daughter and I went to the Art Institute of Dallas so that we can try and get the financial part of college in place. She has already attended one of their open houses in the past. My daughter Samantha and her daddy Bryan were talking about her going to school for fashion design and then they were going to try and open up a clothing store here in town. They were so excited about this and talked about it all of the time. Samantha has decided she wants to still pursue this and open the store in honor of her daddy. I told her that anything I can do to help I will. When we got there Samantha told them that she was interested in starting school in Aug. They told her that they were going to go ahead and do everything for the April classes just in case she wanted to go ahead and start classes then. At that time she told them that she was interested in Aug. but they put April anyway. I told the lady when she was getting info for the FASFA that she wants to start in Aug. that we made too much money in 2009 for her to qualify for the grants that she is going to need to get thru school. She went ahead and ran a credit check for some type of student loan and came back and said that I was approved for 12,000 at 12.9% interest. It took everything that I had to keep from going off on the lady. 12.9% are they f***ing kidding. They said that you can have the payment deferred and don't have to start paying until after she gets out of school. What they don't mention is that all these defered payments are still accruing interest in the meantime. I CAN'T AFFORD THAT. But I know that somehow God and Bryan are going to get us thru this too. I have to remember what Bryan has always told me, as long as we have god and each other we can get through anything. Bryan, Samantha and I need you to guide us through this. Help us make the right decisions along the way. We are so scared, afraid that we are going to make the wrong decisions. It's so scary without you here to guide us. While we were in the Dallas area we went by Samantha's cousin's (on Bryan's side) tattoo shop. They had been talking for the last 2 years about the back piece (tattoo) that she is wanting to get. We were hit by a drunk driver in Nov. '93. Samantha was paralyzed from the chest down. She was only 3 1/2 years old at the time, she is now 20. She has always refused to wear anything that shows her back or her right side because of the scars. She has a scar that is all the way down the middle of her back because she developed scoliosis because of the wreck. The scar on her side is were they took a rib to replace her 5th and 6th vertebrae that had been crushed. Samantha and Andrew talked and then Samantha and I talked. They were wanting to finally get it started that night if we could be back there @9:00pm. Samantha told me that if we could go ahead and start her tattoo tonight, that would be the bomb. So, we went home got the supplies and money that we needed. It was a 2 hr each way trip, but it was worth it. They got in 4 to 5 hrs of work done out of what is expected to be 30-35 hrs total tat time. It already looks awesome, everyone that was there that night said that was the best tattoo that they have ever seen. Even Andrew said that was the best work he has ever done. We left to go home around 3-3:30 am and got home around 5:30. It took me 2 days to recoop, I haven't been that tired since Bryan died. It was a very exciting day for Samantha, she hasn't been excited about anything for such a long time. She told me that this was the best day that she has had since before her daddy got sick, that's been well over a year ago. That in itself made me excited for her, it has been so long since I have been excited about anything, its a weird, strange feeling. Bryan, Samantha and I miss you sooo much and we ask you and God to guide us through every step in this life. Until we meet again one step one breath one day at a time

Comments for Excited but scared

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Mar 30, 2011
Excited but Scared
by: Anonymous

I'm glad to hear that your daughter finally found something to be excited about for the first time since her Dad's illness and death.

I would advise you to proceed with caution though as far as the school and their finanacial aid offer. For whatever reason(it could be beneficial to her own job performance), the Administrator you met with was anxious to get your daughter into the April session even though both you and your daughter told her August would be more beneficial to you financially. In my opinion, that in itself sends up RED FLAGS. You yourself stated that you can't afford that. If that is your GUT instinct...then follow your instinct.
I know you found comfort in hearing Samantha say that this was the best day she had since her Dad's illness, but taking on bills that you know you cannot afford at this time will only bring you more stress.

I lost my husband in December 2010. I too place a lot of faith in God and my husband told me he would always watch out for me, but I realize my limitations and know that neither God nor my husband is writing the checks today.
No matter how much your want to see your daughter happy again, please don't add more stress on yourself. You don't want your daughters to be mourning you sooner than necessary.
I will pray for you to make the best decision. Good luck.

Mar 30, 2011
Good For You.....
by: TrishJ

How exciting to move on with your daughters and a new business venture. I told both of my children that we have to live our lives the best that we can to make their dad proud.
It's good to know that you and your girls can still find some joy in life. The tattoo sounds awesome.
One thing I wanted to tell you about the student loans. I've worked as a medical practice administrator for 25 years. I saw many young doctors beginning their medical careers in our practices that were so overburdened with student loans it was difficult for them to put groceries on the table for their young families (even on a doctors salary). The federal government is merciless when it comes to repayment. They don't want to hear, "I'm having a bad month and can't make the payment." They are as brutal as the IRS in that regard, and you're right, the interest is accruing from day 1. My suggestion would be to wait (as you said your 2010 income will better qualify you for more assistance). I know it's exciting. I'm such an impatient person ~ I want it NOW.
Talk to God about it. He will somehow guide you. My heart felt blessings to you and your daughters as you go forward without Bryan. Peace and love.

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