Eyes Wide Open
Where does one start, I was with my husband for 14 years and decided I was going to go out to a special occasion that partners weren't invited to and note first time out without him as was never allowed to prior (yes I enabled the behaviour by never going) I went and was enjoying myself so much I came home late which is where my hell began, he waited up for me and all I coped was emotional abuse in front of our children.
Felt sick about it all went for individual counselling (previously over the years I had asked for marriage counselling to no avail) whilst counselling sessions for over 14 weeks went on....it was the constant emotional abuse morning / night (standing literally over me) that I said you know what your behaviour to me and in front of children (who would scream with hands over ears begging for him to stop) 'this is it, I'm done'.
Cut the story short we tried to live under same roof, his behaviour became so erratic and un-hinged he made threats to wipe us all out etc...he was removed from house, he had a mental breakdown, has not worked for at least good 6 months, I'm paying mortgage, school, bills etc whilst he's decided to disappear and call the kids once in a blue moon
And in the counselling worked out that all relationships I've chosen have been controlling, I've also selected abusive and for the first time I see everything in my life, who I am, why I made certain choices............this is still ongoing. Having your eyes open and being aware of everything for the first time can be really distressing and exhilarating at the same time.
I don't know how emotionally difficult this situation is going to turn out...some days sick to stomach, other days amazing to see my eyes are finally open.
Worst bit is the children not knowing where their father is, having hands tied as just want house sorted and life sorted so can finally move on with my life and for him to put kids first!
Not only was he controlling in emotional sense also financially, could never have money and if withdrew small amount I had to account for every cent (yet I have always worked)