Family & Friends, Even Facebook

by Patricia
(Las Vegas)


I was having lunch with some old friends and family the other day and I found out from them I'm saying or putting my feelings tos much on Facebook.

Well that told me they've moved on and not getting any replies shows me it's embarrassing to them. Friends that knew Billy for 45 years, they grew up with him. Family, his daughter who had a life and was moving on.

I understand but it makes me sad and angry. I see his face every night before I go to sleep, I see the kiss we had at a friend's wedding years ago, I see that smile last Christmas with family in Arkansas. I see so much but they see nothing or they don't want to. My heart aches so much a times I feel like it will explode.

I wake each morning and say "Oh" I'm here and maybe if I just stay this way time will pass and I'll be with him sooner, so I don't move for that moment and of course discover I have to get up. I feel like I'm in quicksand, forever being sucked down then released for a moment and back again once drowning, out of control.

Day's ago I thought I was going to have a break down. I couldn't find the earrings Billy had given to me the 1st year we were together. I called back to Arkansas and had everybody looking for them. I say you don't understand, I need to find them. For days I looked through boxes that had been packed and then again, It was luck, I found them the 2nd time around and it felt like 20 pounds had been lifted. I still mourn the Dyson vacuum cleaner that was lost in our move.
I know it sounds strange but Billy got it for my Birthday a couple of years ago. We had hardwood floor in Arkansas but it didn't matter. It was a birthday present that now I will never have from Billy, also its a really good vacuum cleaner.
Time goes on and so will I ~ baby steps if need be ~ but

Always, 1 step 1 breath at a time.

Comments for Family & Friends, Even Facebook

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Dec 28, 2010
love you cousin
by: Shirley

Just keep posting and keep talking. What you are experiencing is "normal". Most people who haven't had a death of someone close to them can't handle it. This is the time when you will find people who are your "true" friends.

When my sister was killed 34 years ago I was only 20 and had never experienced the death of someone so close to me. I was grief stricken. The worst part about it was having people run from me when I approached.

I am smarter this time. Since losing my son I have no longer have expectations from most people. It's funny....the people who are most willing to listen to me are NOT my closest friends and family. My Compassionate Friends group also helps because they've all experienced the same loss. You can say ANYTHING in that group and all you get is support. My only regret is that it's only once a month and I really need to go more often.

Just keep posting. Get a journal and let your feelings out there too....

Love you!
Shirl

Dec 28, 2010
Friends, Family & Facebook
by: Anonymous

I know exactly what you are saying; my 36yr. old son died September 20th 2010. Everyone has moved on except me, I see my family able to smile again and I can not. I cry every day, I miss him so much seems like everyone is gone, my phone doesn't ring anymore and people avoid me when I see them in a store. No one wants to mention his name or speak of him except me. He is my son, he was here on this earth for 36yrs., he will always be a part of me, I will always talk about him. I still put my feelings on facebook; if my friends don't like it they can delete me.

None of us asked to become members of this horrible club called grief, one thing I have learned is no one is exempt from it either. I only hope when a friend becomes a member and it will happen, whether it's a child, spouse, sibling or parent, that I have more compassion than some of them. Praying for you, Pat

Dec 28, 2010
I know how you feel about the earrings.
by: Mike

I'm the Mike that posted the blog "I Lost Her, My Beautiful Butterfly". Just wanted to say I know the panic you faced. I thought for 2 or 3 days I had lost my wedding ring. I was in a state of pure panic. Of all the things I could have lost. I did find it in the hamper with some clothes I had washed. She always did the laundry and I am now aware of how easy it comes off in warm clothes. When I found it I was ecstatic. I called a buddy and I must have sounded like a little boy that just got the best gift ever.

I am sorry for your loss and I feel the same way. I'm lost without her and I can't stand this pain. I wish you luck on your journey and that we both make it through this in one piece.

Dec 28, 2010
How can people be so cruel?
by: Jessica

Pat,
I know what you are feeling, I also have had my "family" and "friends" tell me that I show my emotions on FB too much also. It's sad they tell me. Well....What am I supposed to be feeling???? They can't tell me what I am supposed to do? All they tell me is "time heals", yeah ok....They know nothing of what we had, how we spent our time together, how we laughed, how we cried, how just a look from him across a room would make me feel so loved. No matter what kind of day I was having he could always make me laugh at the end of it. They just don't get it. BUT!! remember this, those of them that have pushed their feelings down, who don't let them show, well they are the ones that will have to deal with that when the time comes. You are doing good, and you are dealing with the most devastating blow life could have EVER given you. Remember those things of him, hold his memory any way you want. It helps.

Dec 28, 2010
It is safe here...
by:

Patricia,

I too wear my heart on my sleeve. Especially now. There are good days and bad and I take them as they come. I really just pour my heart out here, it is the only place where it is accepted. I did not even call my sis at Christmas because I did not want to ruin hers.

I made it through the holiday weekend but had a rough one after it was all over. It is to be expected especially with grief as young as yours.
The 6 month mark was especially brutal, mix in Christmas memories and it can drive you back to that day in grief.

Just know that the good days outweigh the bad as time passes. Somehow we adjust to a life without the very one that made it worthwhile. All that we have gone through makes us stronger and more grateful for every joy that we can manage.

Fasten your seatbelt, its going to be a bumpy ride. We still have this New Year to deal with. Perhaps we can manage to think of it truly as a new beginning for us all.
HH

Dec 28, 2010
OTHER PEOPLES FEARS
by: Pat J

Patricia,
Is it terrible for me to say that I find your postings comforting? I hope that doesn't upset you but I love to see the pictures you post of you and your wonderful Billy. The sparkle in both of your eyes and the total love you have (I didn't say had) for each other is apparent.
It will be 4 weeks for me on New Year's Eve that I lost my "Billy", Joe. He was/is to me what Billy was/is to you. I put a few posts on facebook and got very few responses from friends. I think people stay away because the thought of it makes them face the fact that this could happen to them and they just don't want to deal with. People are uncomfortable because it makes them think about losing their own spouse. That's all I can figure out other than maybe they are just uncaring insensitive jerks and not really our friends at all. People are caring and supportive for as long as it's comfortable for them. They don't realize our hearts and souls have been ripped from us.

I'm not looking forward to New Year's Eve but I know I have to get through it. God's blessing to all of us who are grieving. One breath, one step at a time.

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