My sons wife tormented him for a year & a half before he chose death. We live in the same town & she has my 3 grandsons so I have to stay in contact with her because of the boys. I never seen her cry a month after my sons death she is seeing someone, she brings him to my grandsons baseball games, all smiles when she is asked how she is doing she says fabulous.. Really how they knew each other since they were 13 years old married for 16 years and have 3 boys. How do I stop the anger & rage I have for her. Don't tell me not to talk to her or be around hr because then that means I don't see the boys & we need each other more then ever.

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Dec 09, 2011
I know how you feel!
by: Anonymous

My daughter in law caused the suicide of my son. She pushed him to depression, hid his medications and could have saved him but she didn't. She chose not to save him. She did not cry at all was thinking about his wealth instead of his death when my son died. The pain and sorrow is ours not these girls. They were married 3 years and 15 days and he died in 1 of July, 2011. My story in there you can read it. I understand how you feel. The pain in unbearable. The parents will never recover from it. Our lives change and I wish myself death. But we have to continue. No choice. Try to see your grand children if possible without her and have less communication with her. I know it is hard or impossible. But remember two things. First she will pay for her actions soon or late by God. Second, you will see your son when you leave this world and you stay with him. I am so depressed and I am 60 years old mother. I am telling myself maximum I live is 25 years more. I wish to God that I join him every minute so hopefully I go much much earlier than that. I pray time will ease our pain. Your friend

Sep 13, 2011
by: Anonymous

My heart breaks for you, knowing your son was not happy for the last few years of his life..I can identify with that...I can also identify with the wife being the reason and having to be nice to someone you so badly want to punch in the face...
You are right, you have to force yourself to be nice to her for your grand children's sake..The pain is unbearable at times and I just need to let you know you aren't alone, my son was not happy and I have to be nice to the person who made him unhappy for the last years of his life..It's so hard to do this when we are trying to grieve the loss of our beautiful sons..:-(

May 27, 2011
Wrestle It Out...
by: Dakota Blues

I am so sorry for your loss. My daughter took her life 3 years ago. Her relationships seemed loving and "normal." There are issues we all face with suicide - and I, too, pointed fingers at everyone...if only and what if....blaming everyone but my daughter. Surely, there is SOMEONE to blame for this!! She seemed so stinking normal.

At some point I came to believe, as I learned more about suicide, it was my daughters responsibility to talk to me, her husband, her sister, her new doctor...anyone - about her suicidal thoughts. She could have done that and she should have done that. I'm not sure if she felt she could handle how she was feeling - or afraid to speak the unspeakable - or really wanted to end her life and we were that clueless?

She lived as though she enjoyed life...but we never know what is in a persons head. Since, the one to ask - why - is gone - I think we have to accept that our children had a painfully wrong day. Satan showed up and they snapped and it sucks...big time. No matter how hopeless we feel - or how rotten life seems - we all have options to try with great care to infuse more purpose and meaning into our lives. But...we have to share those feelings with those who love us.

Anger is a part of our mourning. Whether your daughter-in-law was a good or bad wife, I hate to say, shouldn't be blamed for your son's suicide. I believe others and situations do influence our behaviors but we are all held accountable for our actions. Suicide is so sad.

I haven't fully worked through all my anger, either. It's not as prominent as it once was...but I am finding that my anger eats at me. Anger is like a cancer. It grows and festers. If at all possible, work through your anger for those grandchildren. They are your saving grace and blessing.

Journal everyday how angry you are. Either in a word document on your computer or with primitive...pen and paper! Keep writing your anger out until you "lay it down." You will know when you have worked it out. Your soul just knows...done - so done with that. "I want to live with a sane amount of peace!"

I recently found out about a bereavement group called Grief Share. Founded by Zig Zigglar and offered in local churches. Google for a group gathering in your area. I am hearing great praises for this class.

Big Hugs!

May 22, 2011
Let's Play....The Family Feud
by: Anonymous

I won't tell you to stay away ~ the three grandsons are too important to you.
I lived through a similar situation. It was almost 25 years ago that my brother died. My sister-in-law was so cruel to him. It was horrific the way she treated him. He was dying and she completely turned her back on him....was
out partying every night ~ had a boyfriend while still married to a dying husband ~ wouldn't let him see his only child. My brother spent the last 6 months of his life depressed and crying everyday because she robbed him of everything.
I carried such anger inside of me. It ate away like cancer. It was very negative and debilitating to me.
She told us at the funeral home that she cancelled my brother's life insurance policy. My parents paid the funeral bill. Three months later she pulled up in their drive way in a brand new red convertible. That's where the insurance money went.
I know from experience that the anger and resentment isn't good for us as human beings. You have to find a way to deal with the hurt and pain. You have a right to be angry as I did. The right to be angry though doesn't help us in the long run. I carried this resentment of her for 22 years until she passed away three years ago from complications caused by alcoholism. She suffered greatly inside over my brother's death although she didn't show it to anyone. The guilt she carried took a toll on her.
Your daughter-in-law may be trying to hide her true feelings by pretending everything is great. That's how some people handle it. It's a protective mechanism not to have to deal with their true feelings. It's very dangerous.
I thought for so many years that my sister-in-law just didn't care. She was battling her own demons that eventually killed her.
Unfortunately my nephew took the brunt of this terrible situation. He is very unstable today ~ an orphan at the age of 24. He suffered greatly for all the adult drama that went on his life. He knew my family didn't like his mother and vice versa. He was just too to understand why.
Your feelings matter but your grandsons are the ones who need to be considered the most. They are young and miss their father. With adults arguing and being cold to one another really complicates things in their lives. I know it isn't easy but try to keep a happy demeanor when you are around their mother, for them.
I feel your pain and am so sorry for your loss. Please trust me when I say your grandsons will benefit from you just being nice to their mother while it is killing you inside.
God's blessings to you as you continue on this difficult journey. Talk to God. He will listen.

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