Farewell, good bye, until we meet again...

by Alan
(Memphis, TN, USA)

A former co-worker passed away last night.
Though she moved west to be with family after the bank let her go, I consider her my friend. Even as I say that she was my friend, I feel guilty for not being a very good friend.

Here she is dying of cancer and I did nothing to stop it. We did email on a semi-regular basis, but she deserved better than that. I prayed for her as I prayed for all of those sick at The Med, and those caregivers so that they would be strong in their time of need.

What really did that accomplish? Why didn't I do more? Something tangible. The need(s) are so evident. In the end, when it is asked "Did you do it unto the very least of these", did I? Am I going to "enter unto your rest" or "depart from me"?

Is my motivation even wrong to wonder how it will affect me? Who am I to ask for grace and forgiveness when I offer very little to others? The dilemma is knowing better and doing nothing about it. Not all who cry "Lord, Lord" will be speaking to their true master.

I feel guilty for pointing out that she was a hippie in the 60's and infer that her lung cancer was brought on by her own irresponsibility to take care of herself. She quit smoking years ago.
Dying wasn't her fault. Everybody dies. Trying to explain away why she died so young makes no sense, but 55 is just too young.

I also catch myself trying to think that "she is in no more pain" and "she is in a better place", the truth is I miss her and wish she was still here.

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