Father about to die...?

by Kyriakos Tryfonidis

Hi, my father is fighting with mesothelioma 2.5 years now, he was diagnosed with pleural mesothelioma. 35 days now he is hospitalized, because of abdominal effusion, doctors say that its mesothelioma progress to peritoneum. I am his son 26 years old and I have 2 sisters 19 and 23. My father is 55 years old. Doctors don't know how to treat him, his kidneys might fail due to the high toxicity levels from chemo but anyway it doesn't respond to chemo. He doesn't want to eat or hear anything about food. I fear his condition will start decreasing fast.. His absence in the house is creepy although we know he is in hospital. I don't want to loose my father, its too early!! We need him in our family. He is a man that has taken responsible of anything in the house and without him, it would be a disaster.. I fear my mother will die too from depression or something.. They are married for 25 years. I fear that me and my sisters will be the only family and it's sad.. I don't know what to do.. There is no cure.. I am searching like crazy in the internet for a new treatment or cure.. But nothing.. I want to be useful somehow.. But I can't.. I can see his fear and tiredness in his eyes.. He wants to fight he has a strong will for life but.. It doesn't seem to help.. We live in Greece and with all the crisis and economy life turns into a nightmare.. My Grandma(father's mom) is alive and healthy, 85 years old she is sad too ofcourse and if my dad dies I think she will go crazy literally. I think I am in the worst time of my life, although I had 2 hip surgery(due to wrong diagnosis, I had giant cell tumor in hip femur) when I was 20 that it makes me pain everyday (6 years now). I am limping too that makes things worst to provide any help to my father.. I a so sad.. I used to be a happy person.. My last 6 years are awful.

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May 01, 2013
Father died yesterday
by: Doreen U.K.

Kyriakos I am deeply sorry for your loss of your precious father from MESOTHELIOMA. You may remember me writing to you some time ago about my husband who died of MESOTHELIOMA on 5th May 2012 this will be 1yr. on Sunday.
I told you in my reply to you that you don't have to be the strong one. You must all share this burden of grief together. Supporting each other as best as you can when each of you needs this. Your Mom should be well supported by all of you, as this will be a very difficult time for her losing her precious husband as I did. Each of you should respect the other's grief and just be as supportive as you can. You don't have to supply answers. Just listen and Love each other. Your father is at peace now and out of his suffering. I remember you were very afraid not knowing what to expect. The days ahead will be very difficult for you all. You will feel a bit disorientated for a while. This was such a terrible disease. My husband suffered greatly. He couldn't explain to me how bad it felt. All he would say is he feels weird inside. Cancer is such a devastating disease. It kills the whole family inside. Every day is such a struggle for me but I do what I can and I leave the rest. Most important is that you are all together. Your father's suffering is over. Your suffering as a family will be on going for some time but it won't last forever. One day WE will all get over our grief and go on in life as we were meant to do.
Kyriakos You don't have to do this journey all on your own. You may be the man of the home but you still have a life and must let everyone know that you are here for them, but you must go on with your life as you were meant to do.
See a grief counsellor if you need it. Do this for anyone in the family struggling with their grief. The days ahead will be very painful one's for all of you. But bear in mind you will all get through your grief one day at a time.
Keep writing back her on this site and update us. We are all here to support you as best as we can. Again I am sorry for your immense loss of a Father.

May 01, 2013
My Dad has passed away.
by: Kyriakos Tryfonidis

Yesterday 30/4/2013 my dad lost his 2 year fight with mesothelioma. He died at 9.45 PM he died peacefully he didn't seem to suffer a lot except from vomiting.. We are all a bit petrified we don't know how to act.. it seems things are going to be harder(?), his funeral is in 6 hours from now.
I am remembering the moments with him when gazing to something and i cry.. even the worst moments when i was helping him makes me cry.. i have to be strong to support my family because i have 2 sisters (23 and 19) and a mother that needs attention. I am a bit worried that devoting myself into family, it's going to use all of the time that i could use for myself.
I feel worried, i feel that i might fail supporting my family.
My father is in a better place for sure, but i will miss simply moments like playing catch ball with him..

Mar 18, 2013
My husband had Mesothelioma
by: Kathy

Dear Kyriakos,

I wish that I could tell you something good, but my husband passed on November 5, 2012 from this and I am still in a daze. We had been together since we were 16. He was 59 and I am 58. He didn't want to stay in hospital, he was in Sloan Kettering in NYC, we live an hour north of NYC. It was lonely for him because family could not make it to see him a lot and I took him home. Do you have Hospice care there?? Look into that, he can come home and you can administer medication and they come everyday. I really hate to say, but my husband didn't want to live that way and he suffered terribly. When he stops eating, then Dave didn't even drink water, just was slipping away in front of my eyes. And through it all, he was worried about me when he goes. Talk to him because he can hear you. Tell him it is okay to give up the fight. Tell him you all love him, they can hear up until the end. Play his favorite music, just keep him comfortable. We lived in Germany and he was in Desert Storm and they think he breathed it in somehow over there. No matter how he got it, I am just so mad and hurt and some days still can't believe it. I cry and think I can't live without him, but I have 3 grown children and 2 granddaughters, one born 2 weeks after his death. I feel so lost and lonely It is so hard, please keep me posted and God be with you all. I will pray for you every night since I know the heartaches Please write if you have any questions. I am going to bed, it is 11:40 here, and I hate the lonely nights, that is when I cry the worst. Please hang in there. It really isn't fair, but it is part of life.

Kathy from New York

Mar 16, 2013
If you need anyone to talk to
by: Marie

If you need anyone to talk to, a friend, just anyone.. please feel free to email me .


Mar 16, 2013
Father about to die....?
by: Doreen U.K.

Kyriakos I ran out of space and have to continue this email by saying that your feelings of fear over your father dying is normal. Because I sent emails all over America and any radio or TV station for healing for my husband I also had a panic type of fear. I felt this wave of fear is what caused my husband to not get a miracle of healing. He died. I should have just left my husband in God's hands and let God decide whether to Heal my husband or take him home.
When you say "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?" You are doing all you can. You can do nothing more than to sit with your father. Tell him all the things you want him to know now whilst you can. Let him know He is loved. Thank him for being your father and all he has done for you all. Hold his hand.
I nursed my husband for 3yrs.39days. As a small woman My Love for him gave me the strength to lift him up and take him to the bathroom. There is nothing I wouldn't have done for him. I feel privileged to have been his wife and to have looked after him.
I believe in God and I will see my husband again when Jesus comes back to the earth to establish his kingdom. In this kingdom there will be NO MORE SORROW. NO MORE TEARS. NO MORE DEATH. We only face death in this life on earth because of SIN. We have a journey on this earth and are just passing through. Fear is part of the way you feel now. In time replace this FEAR with HOPE. COURAGE. STRENGTH. I didn't want to live after my husband died. I thought how am I going to get through life. ONE DAY AT A TIME. Don't look too far ahead. God only gives us ONE DAY AT A TIME. You will find strength inside to go on in life. I hate the EMPTINESS AND LONLINESS of the house without my husband in it. He was the foundation of our family.
Kyriakos you will recover strength to go on. Keep writing to us here on this site for support. You are not ALONE. Don't fight this battle on your own. May God comfort you all as a family and give you the strength and Love and support for the days ahead.

Mar 16, 2013
Father about to die....?
by: Doreen U.K.

Kyriakos I am deeply sorry to hear of your situation with your father dying of MESOTHELIOMA. I hope my email doesn't hurt you but I must speak the truth. I am in the exact same place as you are in. The worst day of my life was on March 28th 2009 The doctor told my husband you have a rare and serious lung cancer. MESOTHELIOMA. Inoperable, Incurable, aggressive. My husband was fortunate. He had 2 lots of Chemo, and the 10 Radiotherapy. He then had a blood clot from the Chemo and had to have daily injections in his stomach for 3 months. Then he had a heart attack, shingles in his eye, then pneumonia. He was on steroids so he could eat food. He was having oxygen all the time. I had to look into the sad painful eyes of a man who was going to die and didn't want to. We were married 44yrs. Oh! how my heart breaks and my tears are coming now trying to tell you how he suffered. There came a time when my husband said to me. "Why don't I just die quickly" He was in so much pain and the drugs were not working for the pain. He couldn't explain how he felt inside. He felt weird. There was no way to express what this disease felt like. I call it a deadly cancer. It was as if he was being eaten from the inside.
It is a very frightening place to be. Only problem is I didn't believe my husband would die. I sent Prayer all over America on the God Channel for my husband's healing. So I was sitting with him waiting for this miracle to happen. Instead I saw him draw his last breath. I still can't believe it. I am still numb from his death and my heart hurts more every Saturday which is the day he died. The day your grief starts is the day of diagnosis of this disease. This is when my world ended and my grief started. When I think of my husband my pain is so severe. I miss him. I want him back. This disease takes between 40-60yrs. to develop so your father must have been young when he was exposed to asbestos which is the only way you can get this disease MESOTHELIOMA. My husband worked with asbestos in his 20's. He died at 65yrs. I have to live alone in retirement. A man works hard for his family and looks forward to retirement. But dies. Life is so unfair.
Kyriakos You have to try and be strong for the days ahead will be difficult. If you have the ability to see a counsellor. Do this. Counselling will help you all to get through this initial time and then later on. It works. I have done this. Your mother will be suffering like me. Counselling years ago has given me the foundation to cope better. But I have my days of woe. If you need further support privately to get through this time you can email me doreenelkington@aol.com Even your sister's or your mom can write me an email and just pour out your feelings, hurt, pain, and what you are going through now. I have done this journey. I will do my best to support your through it. Keep us posted on this site also.

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