father died from cancer when i was just 12 years old...

by Brentian Hammond
(Rock Hill, SC )

On december 10, 08 my mother came home from working until close. She came into my room at about 11 pm. i remember her sitting me down and saying something happened.. i knew something awful happened because of the tears and the sound of her voice. My mother told me " your father passed away tonight.." i didn't even know what to think i cried for about 30 minutes and that was it. i stayed up all night couldn't sleep just played video games. i felt pretty awful but i don't think it ever hit me. In fact it really didn't until a few years later. I didn't spend a lot of times with my father. my mother and him were split up and i don't believe he ever truly cared about me. One of the last few phone calls i had with him a year or so before he passed i remember i was so upset we didn't see each other much that i didn't call him father i called him by his first name. Probably the worst mistake of my life. its been almost 6 years have past and literally have 6 or 7 days of the month i just completely break down. I just miss him so much. I'd give anything to just see him once again. Everytime i go through a bad breakup or anything to make an person happenes i just want my father to tell me its going to be okay not anyone else just him. Every time i do something or accomplish a goal i just want to here my father say son I'm proud of you. His whole life with me i never got to hear those words one time, and i never will no matter what i do or what i am my father can't ever tell me he is proud of me. I graduated high school this year class of 2014. I received 10 tickets. i ended up saving one.. that ticket is my fathers, not mine and never will be. I miss him so much and the pain is literally getting worse and worse i really can't handle much more i don't even feel like i have purpose in life. . I'm not suicidal or crazy just i am slowly disliking life..

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