Father lost only daughter 3 years ago. My world is still a different color.

by george farmer
(erwin, nc)

It was on a Friday, March 30th, 2007 when my mother and sister came up my drive and told me I needed to go to the hospital that something had happen to my daughter, Christa. They never revealed the complete facts but the look on their face was all i needed, i was sure she was gone.

She had passed in her sleep, leaving behind a 2 year old daughter and a 4 year old son and a husband. After learning my feelings were true my world has been a different color since and I know it will never change, it is here to stay. After almost 4 years now i still have nothing to live for. I once was a goal seeker but now things are different, I have no desire for anything and will be content only when this life is over. When she died I died and am fully convinced it will never be different. I was an extrovert, now extreme introvert. Have spent most of last 4 years in my bedroom. I have no intent in taking my life or anything unreasonable.

The only way I can describe this situation is my world changed colors and will always remain a different color. I raised my family in church with Christian, Bible believing principles. I am aware this happens to people of all walks of life. i am not sore at God or feel "why me", it is just part of life that I can never deal with. She is in my thoughts constantly and I feel for others that have faced this situation. I am sure it will never get better and I guess that's the way it supposed to be. No doubt one could not face anything more painful and life-changing as loosing a child or children. Thanks for allowing me to share what this can do to a person. If you have a child, spend as much time with them as you can. Thanks:George

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Mar 31, 2011
Loss of only adult son
by: Anonymous

It will be three years on May 8th that my only son passed away.I think about him every single day and pray for his wife and 4 sons. I know now that the pain will NEVER go away and that I have to LEARN how to live with it. I don't know how I've made it this far. I wish there was a name for a parent that has lost their only child. When I meet new people, one of their questions is "do you have any children?" What do I say? I wish their was a word.....God Bless You....

Mar 06, 2011
by: Anonymous

Dear George,

I am so sorry you lost your daughter. Death is so difficult to face and when it is our children, it is knife-hot, gnawing pain. I know. I buried my son after suicide 5 years ago. Like you, I wanted to die or curl up and never move again, but God had other plans. He has taken me on a healing journey - not so that I would forget, but so that I would always remember my son in my heart and yet, be able to function for the rest of my family who need me. May I kindly suggest that you do the same? You have others who need you. You have grandchildren. Let them fill you up with love and you give love back to them. Others in your family are hurting too and probably no one wants to speak of your daughter's death in fear of hurting you. Yes, some might think it is long overdo for you to move on with your life. Disregard those looks or comments. No one has a time table for grief, but you are bordering on self-pity. It's often lonely and depressing and I feel that too, but the best way for me to feel better is to reach out to others who are hurting or that I can help in some way. It takes my mind off of me. God is my Best Friend and He is the only one getting me from one day to the next. He's worth a try. Blessings, GT

Mar 05, 2011
the color is grey for grief
by: Hope


It was not my child that I lost but my husband.
When he died a part of me also died with him. I metamorphisized into a completely different person. I was outgoing and friendly to everyone mostly to cover up a shyness that I have had for years and that was my way of overcoming it.

But like I said, when he died I changed. I had no confidence, could not make a simple decision and had no direction at all. I was lost in my own life or what it had become. I was at the point of losing my job or so I thought. I confided to my boss almost tearfully that though I might appear to have my head up my rear I did not mind being told what needed to be done. I confessed that since Paul Died I was close to being nonfunctional and could not manage to pull myself outta my funk. I had tears in my eyes as I confessed this and it took a lot of courage for me to admit that something was "wrong".

Yes I say courage because it ate away at me day and night. I like you had hit rock bottom and did not care what happened to me, just wanted to get the day over with. Day after day for 2 months I stewed in a deep depression that I knew had gone past normal grieving.

I am not trying to set limits on your grief, please do not get me wrong. I do not think that I could function well at all if something happened to one of my kids, Nor did I think that I could make it without hubby. It has been 15 months tomorrow, how can that be? How have I survived without the very one that made me me? Made me happy and content in the simple life that we led?

It has been 4 years for you and I have my concerns. Only because I have hit bottom and know I was not getting out of eventually with time.

Men are wired differently. You love, you grieve, you do all things different than a woman. And the one thing that a lot of men are uncomfortable is expressing pain one on one with another. But please, seek out some counseling. I thought that form of help was for weak people, but we have been smashed to smithereens emotionally. It does not make us weak to need help, it makes us human.

Your life will never be the same. It is a different life after grief. Come here often if only to read. But don't go it alone, none of us can take on the world after such a tragedy.
We are here always, talk to us...

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