Father Lost Too Soon

by Rebecca Ann Wang
(Miami, FL)

I lost my father when I was 15 to an accidental prescribed medication overdose (mixed with alcohol). I am now almost 43 years old and working in the Psychology field. I have devoted my academic and professional life to sharing with others my knowledge and passion regarding the need to live authentically and to embrace grief and loss as pathways to continuing personal growth. I have derived daily hope and strength through Buddhist teachings and would like to communicate with others who are still experiencing difficulties with loss of a father.

Comments for Father Lost Too Soon

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Sep 24, 2011
for Rebecca
by: Mari

I feel as you do as regarding this site. I am not sure how I found it but it has been comforting. Losing a loved one is never easy but I have come a long way. I can laugh again and altho I have some sad moments they are fewer. I just thank God I had him. It was awful for a long time. But I find myself feeling better. I have my 2 jobs to keep me busy and family. At the onset I did not know how I would go on but it is a day at a time, one step, one breath. The sun is starting to shine for me again. Take care. God bless you.

Sep 24, 2011
For Rebecca
by: Mari

Thank you Rebecca. It has been rough but it is getting better. I still miss my husband but am very confident of seeing him again by the crystal shore. He will be well then.
God did not forsake me. He left me a big family and many kind people for love and support.
I know how precious a father is and I think it is wonderful that you are teaching others to cope. Take care and thank you again for your kindness. Mari

Sep 24, 2011
loss
by: Rebecca

TrishJ,
10 months ago is not a long time. Grief has such an up and down effect, in that some days are OK and some are filled with anger, pain, and absolute disbelief that you have been subjected to such a life. Anger is normal! What has helped me deal with my pain is the acceptance of the randomness of life and the opportunity to build inner strength from my fate. Also, it does help to talk with others who have experienced similar circumstances. Do you talk with people who share similar grief?

Sep 24, 2011
Your husband
by: Rebecca

Mari,
Wow, I cannot imagine losing a husband, someone you love and depend upon for emotional support and hope for an entire future together. Everyday must be a struggle for you.

Sep 24, 2011
Strength from pain
by: Rebecca

I am blown away by the comments I got from my post. I wish I had access to this blog when I was 15! I may have prevented much self-destruction! When I read the posts, I felt so much admiration for you! I used to tell people who looked at me with pity when I spoke about my "story" of losing a loved one, "You will go through it someday, too." The MAIN lesson to derive from this awful fate of living life without someone is that we gain a clarity of what it means to be alive and we realize the silliness of daily crap.

Sep 23, 2011
Father lost too soon
by: Mari

I am sorry for the loss of your father. I also like your Buddist approach.It sounds comforting indeed. It also makes a lot of sense.
People are more important then material things and the Bible makes it quite clear we are taking nothing with us when we leave this world.
My priority is people. Both of my jobs are dealing with people.
I am coping with the loss of my husband as he passed away Nov 22nt of 2009. But when my pastor said,''To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord'' brought me great comfort. I guess you would say that missing him is the worst part. But knowing he loved me means alot.
I thank God for all the grandchildren and the great granddaughter who is 8 months old.I am thankful for my parents who are in their 80's.People say I am blessed with the 5 generations going strong.
I just keep going and keep busy.
How wonderful that you are helping others. You must be a kind caring person. Keep posting.

Sep 22, 2011
The Love Is In Us
by: TrishJ

Rebecca
I love your philosophy. Buddhism is truly a beautiful peaceful way to go through life.
My husband passed away almost 10 months ago. In that 10 months I have tried to be angry about everything and everybody that had anything to do with my husband's care. I have been trying to hang on to the past and feel miserable about the life I can no longer have. I was married for almost 38 years and my identity in life was as my husband's wife. Who am I? I'm just now finally giving release go finding my inner self. That still sounds a little bit hokey to me at times but I know now that my future happiness is up to me. I have had to let go of relationships with people who judge and value their life on their monetary gains and possessions. I was that person for so long. Now that my husband is gone I can come to realize that those things don't matter to me anymore. The love of my life is gone. The size of my home or the car I drive doesn't really matter anymore without him. Did it ever really matter? Of course, everyone wants to be successful but I'm beginning to learn that the real success in our lives comes our relationships and the love we have for ourselves. The true love of life is within us all and we don't even know it. Grief hurts but it also enables us to grow spiritually and learn from life.
Bless you. Keep up the good work.

Sep 21, 2011
It was all too soon, all too fast.
by: Hope

Rebecca,

I lost my Father and my Husband in the same year. I have not yet looked into budhism but have learned much from the simple passing of time. The time that is supposed to heal all wounds. I do not think that time heals a wound to make it as if it never happened. It is more of a wound that changed your life forever.

Having managed my way through the (almost) 2 years of grief I have learned much. And to simplify it by saying that you need to take one day at a time is such a synopsis of what was indeed the hardest part of my entire life.

In the end it was time that helped me to think and realize how important that life is, and how we will never ever take another day for granted. Oh I suppose that people might slip into life assuming that happiness or sadness are forever. Or as long as we can imagine. But it is the struggles of life, The Love lost that really helps us grow from within. To learn to Love ourselves and appreciate the beauty, humor and laughter all around us.

A am but a mere mortal, sometimes I may be impatient at times but never as before. Time can be spent but never wasted and with grief I have also learned that life and time is precious. As the seasons change I change with them, never assume and take each minute and day as it comes. Life is a gift and I shall take each day accordingly with that in mind....
HH

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