Feel so alone
I had three brothers and I am the only daughter and the youngest. When I was 14yrs old I met the love of my life we broke up & I thought it was over so I found someone who to me resembled him & at that young age my mother allowed me to move in with him (I had a very hard childhood or shall I say no childhood at all). My Mom was an alcoholic & separated from my Dad when I was 9yrs old. One day I ran into George and he told me its time for us to get back together & I told him yes, but the man I was living with was very abusive I was not pregnant & I tried leaving him numerous times but he even dragged me out of my Aunt's house. I never contacted George ever again plus I felt once he found out I was living with another guy he might not want me but I knew he loved me he told me with tears in his eyes & I told him I loved him too which I did and always will he was always asking my cousin where was and she just kept telling him I was living with one of my brothers. Even though I stood with the abusive man I went on to marry him & have 4 kids. When I was pregnant with my second son my friend called me to inform me that George had died in a motorcycle accident somehow I have always felt guilty because I don't think he cared about his life he was 24yrs old.
Then when my daughter was 14yrs old she suffered a cerebral hemmorage but we were given a miracle and she survived.
My father died of a heart attack on Dec. 29th never had a chance to say goodbye 18mos. later my youngest brother was 36yrs old when he passed away Aug.23th. I was devastated because we were very close.
After my daughter's illness a year later I lost my beloved mother. My oldest brother helped me get through that little did I know
the following year on my Mom's birthday Nov. 24th Thanksgiving my oldest brother suffered a massive stroke and passed away on Dec. 28th then it was just me and and my middle brother left. On Mother's Day of this year I lost him too. I am the only surviving member of my immediate family. I lost my home, got divorced which he still bothers me and I had to medically retire from work because I ended up getting sick. It's been 33yrs since my ex boyfriend died and I think of him first thing every morning and the last thing before I go to sleep. The only thing that keeps me going is my faith my children which are all adults & my ex-husband say get over it there's nothing you can do all your family is gone I have absolutely no support from them because they have not gone through it I'm 53yrs old and feel like an orphan. Am I going crazy because all I can think of is my true love I told my ex-husband that my heart never belonged to him, plus because of him being so mentally abusive makes me feel like he ruined my life by not letting me go I have a lot of resentment. Why can't I let George rest in peace I'm not even interested in meeting anyone I feel like a widow. I am on medication for deep depression there is days I don't want to talk to anyone. I have to force myself to get up and get dressed I just don't care about life even though I have my kids and grandkids. I have a huge void in my life. Thank you for letting me vent.