feel so lonely without mum

by nicola
(bedfordshire)

My mum died of cancer nearly 18 years ago on new years day. I was 19 and the older i get i seem to miss her more and more. Wish she ya here to see her grandchildren. My dad never met anyone else and i hate the fact he is on his own. I feel i am not who i should be with my own family as am always thinking of how life used to be and also spending a lot of time with my dad. Its so hard as feel guilty if i don't spend time with my dad. So sometimes my own family are coming second.

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Oct 21, 2013
feel so lonely without mum
by: Doreen UK

Nicola I am sorry for your loss of your mum. It is hard keeping a balance in our family. But 18yrs. is a long time to spend on one's own without their spouse. The way you are feeling is quite normal. We just get caught up in a rut. My father is 92yrs. and won't have long to live, and is in a care home, I don't get to see him at all due to disability and distance. I feel so disappointed about this. My fear is that If I am not able to do this soon it may be too late. My father is of an age where he needs to know he is not abandoned and his family still care, by showing this. It is hard but we can only do what we can keeping a health balance so no one feels neglected. Know that you are not alone here and this is a struggle we will all go through after we have lost someone close to us. The loneliness is the worst trial to overcome, and often we just get used to this. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 17 months ago to cancer and I hope I don't have as many years as a widow. There is no pleasure in life like the joy we have been used to and lost due to death. I hope that you can find a way to include your father in your life. It is hard. Death somehow causes distance between families at time of a death. It is then hard to re-establish relationships as the family dynamics change. Especially if the person who died was the strong one who kept the family together, and most often it is the mother the nurturer of the family. I hope you find life easier in the days ahead and able to forge out a better balance in relationship with your father.

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