Feeling alone and anxious
My mom died on January 1st, 2014. I'm feeling very isolated. It's always been hard for me to ask for help, and even though I've been reaching out to friends, I still need more support. Sometimes I don't try to contact other people at all because I feel as though there is nothing that any one person can do or say that will make me feel better.
One symptom of this grief that has had a strong hold on me lately is anxiety. I have obsessive thoughts about the last person I dated (I broke up with him a week after my mom died, and we hadn't been dating very long), about people in our friend group and what they are gossiping about me, about the new person that my ex is dating, etc. I know that these thoughts, even though they are based in real circumstances, are not true or have nearly as much importance as I think they do, and they are consuming merely because they are a distraction from thinking about what is truly distressing me, which is the loss of my mother. But it can be hard to let them go.
I feel like I am going through a huge transition, almost an identity crisis. I am 24 and never wanted to live most of my adult life without my mother in it. I am becoming a new person, and maybe I am holding on to these obsessive thoughts because if I let them go, I'm afraid of what thoughts will replace them. If I let go of who I used to be, then who will I become?