Feeling alone and anxious

by AR

My mom died on January 1st, 2014. I'm feeling very isolated. It's always been hard for me to ask for help, and even though I've been reaching out to friends, I still need more support. Sometimes I don't try to contact other people at all because I feel as though there is nothing that any one person can do or say that will make me feel better.

One symptom of this grief that has had a strong hold on me lately is anxiety. I have obsessive thoughts about the last person I dated (I broke up with him a week after my mom died, and we hadn't been dating very long), about people in our friend group and what they are gossiping about me, about the new person that my ex is dating, etc. I know that these thoughts, even though they are based in real circumstances, are not true or have nearly as much importance as I think they do, and they are consuming merely because they are a distraction from thinking about what is truly distressing me, which is the loss of my mother. But it can be hard to let them go.

I feel like I am going through a huge transition, almost an identity crisis. I am 24 and never wanted to live most of my adult life without my mother in it. I am becoming a new person, and maybe I am holding on to these obsessive thoughts because if I let them go, I'm afraid of what thoughts will replace them. If I let go of who I used to be, then who will I become?

Comments for Feeling alone and anxious

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Mar 25, 2014
It's a struggle, keep going.....
by: Patricia

Dear AR, I can relate to your grief. My own mother passed away Dec 16, 2013. Everyday I think of her. She's on my mind when I get up in the mornings and when I go to bed at night. I think of her no matter where I'm at - even work. While I understood early on that my task now was to create a new normal, a life without my mother in it, it was still tough. But, as time passed it seemed as though I was progressing well. Then, all of a sudden, I'd be in the store and see something I used to purchase for her and then I'd end up running out of the store sitting in the car crying.....then I'd be ok, then I'd be sad again.....my point it: everyday is a struggle. There are ups and downs and most likely always will be for those that are close to their parents.

I begun to accept the challenge and celebrate my mom at the same time. What is helping me now is that I'm not trying to forget or let go of my mom....I don't focus on the angry of her passing any longer, I no longer blame others or myself, I know now that there is nothing more I could have done. I know she was deteriorating no matter what was done or being done and that passing was the only way to relieve her suffering. I still talk to my mom, I've been to the cemetery and have now planned to go once a month to put flowers on her grave....basically, I'm allowing myself to grief her in a healthy way instead of yearning for something that won't ever come true i.e. her return to me.

Understand everyone experiences grief in his/her own way. Grieve your mother but don't lose sight of yourself.

Best of luck to you.

Mar 20, 2014
Feeling alone and anxious
by: Doreen UK

AR I am sorry for your loss of your mother. Being so young at only 24yrs. It will make you feel a bit insecure without your mom who was your nurturer. I think at any age one always needs their mom. Feeling alone and anxious is normal with loss. The best thing you can do for yourself is to get some good counselling. I suffered with depression for the first 40yrs. of my life. I couldn't understand how I could feel so depressed when I believed in God and tried to live a good life. I developed anxiety and obsessive thinking. I went into counselling in my early 40's and had the best psychologist/counsellor who used therapy to release me from being anxious and fearful. I lost my depression within 4yrs. and I also lost those obsessive thoughts that would afflict me. I had no control over them. They controlled me and I found it near impossible to let go of fears and anxieties. After therapy I FEEL FREE. I live a much happier life and I developed skills that helps me cope daily. If you get the right therapist you can become FREE to live your life and you will never go back to feeling the way you do now. You have nothing to lose. I know therapy is expensive. I would pay any amount of money to feel the way I do now. I feel a MIRACLE took place inside of me and I am WHOLE and HEALED, from anxiety and fear of the future and life in general. This was the best investment I made in better mental health and FREEDOM. You can be FREE to live your life. You are Young and owe it to yourself to become the person you were meant to be and let nothing hold you back from becoming that person. Be Happy! Best wishes.

Mar 20, 2014
feeling alone and anxious
by: Anonymous

I think i can relate to what you are going through. After losing my mom in 1995 i also felt very anxious and depressed. I have had a problem with anxiety pretty much my whole adult life. When it first started i didn't know what it was. I just felt very tense and uncomfortable both mentally and physically. It was especially concerning at work. I thought maybe i was having some kind of breakdown. Once i realized it was just anxiety i felt better but still struggled. My doctor helped me through medication and counseling. What helps me now is the realization that all of the things i worry about never come to pass. I am not the same person i was years ago but i am doing ok. Just be yourself, but if it gets overwhelming i would suggest counseling of some sort. Just know you are not alone in your struggles.

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