by Kathy Wood
Two years ago today, we moved into our new home, excited and happy about our new lives starting together. Two days from now would have been his 51st birthday. Two days after that on the 22nd would be our second anniversary. I was cheated out of this happiness by an ugly horrible thing called liver cancer. He was diagnosed in October and we were optimistic that he would survive which quickly was crushed by reality. His tumor was too large for most of the hospitals to even want to see us. One hospital did try but couldn’t do what they had wanted to and he went through surgery for nothing. He put up a good effort but passed March 14th. I am now looking at facing what should have been a wonderful happy time in my life and doing everything I can to keep from crying and losing it at work. I am feeling like I did when he first past, lost, sick, having a hard time concentrating, having to make a conscious effort to even breathe. What do I do now? I have been existing these past few months, got a puppy to help, and she does help some, but the void that was left by him is just too large to fill. I thought we would grow old together, now it’s just me and I feel ancient at 46. What happens now? Am I supposed to be alone for the majority of my life? Is this my lot? I think I deserve a do over, I feel cheated.