Feeling Cheated

by Kathy Wood
(Columbia, MO)

Two years ago today, we moved into our new home, excited and happy about our new lives starting together. Two days from now would have been his 51st birthday. Two days after that on the 22nd would be our second anniversary. I was cheated out of this happiness by an ugly horrible thing called liver cancer. He was diagnosed in October and we were optimistic that he would survive which quickly was crushed by reality. His tumor was too large for most of the hospitals to even want to see us. One hospital did try but couldn’t do what they had wanted to and he went through surgery for nothing. He put up a good effort but passed March 14th. I am now looking at facing what should have been a wonderful happy time in my life and doing everything I can to keep from crying and losing it at work. I am feeling like I did when he first past, lost, sick, having a hard time concentrating, having to make a conscious effort to even breathe. What do I do now? I have been existing these past few months, got a puppy to help, and she does help some, but the void that was left by him is just too large to fill. I thought we would grow old together, now it’s just me and I feel ancient at 46. What happens now? Am I supposed to be alone for the majority of my life? Is this my lot? I think I deserve a do over, I feel cheated.

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Jun 18, 2013
Feeling Cheated
by: Judith in California

Kathy, so sorry for your loss. It's a terrible blow to loose our loves when we jut weren't ready. (ARE WE EVER) It's been 2 years 9 months for me and in answer to your question "What happens now” the answer is what do you feel like doing? Do some things for yourself, be selfish and do for you the way he would have. Take care of you and when the time comes go out and meet people, join a group that does things you like. Go out to eat, or dance or to a movie. Cry if you feel like it and don't hold back for anyone. Don't care what others think if you cry. They will go through it one day and then it will hit them.

I do all of the things I have suggested. to you. The worst thing to do is isolate yourself from people. You might have some fun even if it's temporarily. But it's a beginning. I'm walking alone but okay with it. Yes, I still miss US and cry occasionally, but what real choice do we have but to go on and live well until we see them again.

God bless you on this journey.

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