Feeling Disconnected and Alone

My Mom died in Dec. 2010, exactly two weeks after her 99th birthday. She lived with me for four years prior to her death but I also cared for her while she lived on her own before moving in with us. I am so very disappointed in my so-called friends. Although I received a lot of support initially, not a single person has asked how I am doing since January. I feel anxious, sad, vulnerable and angry. I feel as though I am being judged as being weak and needy. Sometimes I feel that I am going to explode. I'm wondering if these are normal emotions and what to do about them. I feel that I am back in high school with the roller coaster ride of emotions. Do I drop these people from my life since the support is simply not there? Thanks for providing a place to vent!

Comments for Feeling Disconnected and Alone

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Dec 02, 2013
A shared painful experience
by: Sue

My mum died in Jun 2010. Until today, 4 years later, I am still feeling the pain of the loss.

She broke her hips due a fall. The doctor said she was ok and was ready to be discharged after a month's stay. However, out of the blue I received a call that she was dying. She was 85. Her death came as a shock to me. It was just too sudden for me to handle as she was well before the fall. I was completely devastated and went into a depression, crying everyday (yes, everyday) missing her, regretting things that I said, things I did, things I did not say when they should have been said. The pain was intense and excruciating and nobody around seem to understand what you are going through. After only a few months of her death, friends' advice was that I need to move on instead of dwelling on something that cannot be changed. But can this be done so easily? She is my dear mother, a friend, a comforter and all. Many of those who gave the advice do not know that I am still pining for her after 4 years.

The purpose of my writing this is to encourage those who have just experienced the loss of a loved one to hang on. The initial years could be real difficult and lonely but if you hang on long enough, you will see some light at the end of the tunnel. The pain will not leave completely but it will ease off. Just don't give up, pray for help if you have a religious belief, and stay healthy. Don't give up. Hang on.

Oct 06, 2013
Is this a stage of grieving ?
by: Anonymous

Hi , I lost my mom right at over a year ago( can't believe it's been that long.) I am normally fine, but on my bday I have been so sad, I'm also starting to not like people, my husband says I'm bitter. Nobody loves me like my mom did, nobody wants to listen to me talk like she did, nobody does things with me like she did , it also seems that no one cares for me like she did, so I kinda am thinking that I don't really want any friends cause they don't really care about me anyways. I'm starting to withdraw from people. Cause basically there ain't nobody like your momma !!! Is this a normal stage of grieving or is there something wrong with me?

Oct 23, 2012
Just lost my Mother
by: Anonymous

I am in the depths of depression. I lost my my Mother on Oct 1st. The week after her services my younger sister was diagnosed with recurring breast cancer. My sisters and I have not even had the chance to mourn and grieve the loss of our Mother and now we are overwhemed with concern for our sister.
Never in my life have I ever felt so alone. I feel disconnected from life. Getting up and going to work barely able to go through the motions.
When my father passed 21 years ago I was devasted by his loss a t 72 yrs old. Mom lived a whole other lifetime after he passed...she was 93.
I don't care how old they are. When people tell me how fortunate I was to have her for so long they're words do not bring me comfort. I know they mean well...but the words do not help. I know the grieving process takes time, but this emptiness, this terrible hole I feel in my heart...when will that or will it ever go away?

Oct 18, 2011
I hear you, I know. You sing my song.
by: Tina in Chicago

Yes Dear you are weak and needy. I am weak and needy. Most of us that visit this site are weak and needy and BY GOD THAT IS OK!!!! it is this thing called grief. Some people don't mean to appear uncaring, they don't know what to do. Some were not caring in the first place, you just didn't notice because life was good (as it will be again). Yet others won't matter as you go through this grief. These are tremendous losses we suffer. Our whole way of life, our way of being, feeling, existing, loving and interacting is challenged. The deeper the love the more profound the feelings we didn't even know we had. Oh what guilt we visit upon ourselves and the expectations we have that have no basis in reality. We have never been this wounded before, so how could we expect anything specific!!! God Bless you. Trust it will be better day by day and when it is a bad day, that too is OK. Visit this site when you need to and we will be here to help you like others have been here to help us.

Aug 12, 2011
Support network
by: Anonymous

Grief is a thing only the involved person truly understands. Outsiders really don't know what you are feeling. This doesn't mean they don't care, they are just removed from the pain. The people on this web site understand because we are suffering and feel your pain. I joined a Hospice grief group. My first meeting is Monday. I hope to be surrounded by others who can help. I found knowing the stages of grief are important I just need to progress through them and learn to enjoy life again. Good luck and God Bless!

Aug 12, 2011
Disconnected
by: Annie

I too had a loss in December of 2010. I lost my husband Clyde of 31 years on the 21st. I do know what you are going through. For the first few months after my loss I was so numb I didn't realize how much support I had. But once the shock and numbness went away I was left with no support at all. Everyone went on with their life feeling I should have been over the grief. Wrong! It was the fifth month when all my feelings came back and I was knocked to my knees by reality, loneliness, fear and sadness and even anger. I felt so alone with nobody reaching out. The experts tell you about all the phases you will go through; shock, anger, loneliness, etc. but I have found one of the most important phases is being left with yourself. I had to spend a lot of time getting to know me. I could not depend on anyone to know what I was going through. I only had me. I had to heal myself and get to know who I really was. I had to learn how to entertain myself and do things with only me. It is a lonely process but I'm starting to like me. I always valued my self-worth by how many friends I had, how I took care of my family and handled all their problems and how many functions I went to. Now my world as I knew it was gone. My friends and family are uncomfortable around me and don't know what to say anymore. They just don't understand this madness called grief.

Yes, what you are going through and feeling is very normal. Use this time to start becoming a friend to yourself. You will end up like a lot of us with a different and new life. You will change, your friends will change, and your outlook of life and what is important will change.

Keep coming back to this site. We will all help you and be your new support and friends. You have joined a club--the Grief Club. I have found a whole group of people I am honored and humbled to have met on this site.

Hang in there, love yourself, you are not alone.

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