My Mom died in Dec. 2010, exactly two weeks after her 99th birthday. She lived with me for four years prior to her death but I also cared for her while she lived on her own before moving in with us. I am so very disappointed in my so-called friends. Although I received a lot of support initially, not a single person has asked how I am doing since January. I feel anxious, sad, vulnerable and angry. I feel as though I am being judged as being weak and needy. Sometimes I feel that I am going to explode. I'm wondering if these are normal emotions and what to do about them. I feel that I am back in high school with the roller coaster ride of emotions. Do I drop these people from my life since the support is simply not there? Thanks for providing a place to vent!
I hear you, I know. You sing my song. by: Tina in Chicago
Yes Dear you are weak and needy. I am weak and needy. Most of us that visit this site are weak and needy and BY GOD THAT IS OK!!!! it is this thing called grief. Some people don't mean to appear uncaring, they don't know what to do. Some were not caring in the first place, you just didn't notice because life was good (as it will be again). Yet others won't matter as you go through this grief. These are tremendous losses we suffer. Our whole way of life, our way of being, feeling, existing, loving and interacting is challenged. The deeper the love the more profound the feelings we didn't even know we had. Oh what guilt we visit upon ourselves and the expectations we have that have no basis in reality. We have never been this wounded before, so how could we expect anything specific!!! God Bless you. Trust it will be better day by day and when it is a bad day, that too is OK. Visit this site when you need to and we will be here to help you like others have been here to help us.
Support network by: Anonymous
Grief is a thing only the involved person truly understands. Outsiders really don't know what you are feeling. This doesn't mean they don't care, they are just removed from the pain. The people on this web site understand because we are suffering and feel your pain. I joined a Hospice grief group. My first meeting is Monday. I hope to be surrounded by others who can help. I found knowing the stages of grief are important I just need to progress through them and learn to enjoy life again. Good luck and God Bless!
Disconnected by: Annie
I too had a loss in December of 2010. I lost my husband Clyde of 31 years on the 21st. I do know what you are going through. For the first few months after my loss I was so numb I didn't realize how much support I had. But once the shock and numbness went away I was left with no support at all. Everyone went on with their life feeling I should have been over the grief. Wrong! It was the fifth month when all my feelings came back and I was knocked to my knees by reality, loneliness, fear and sadness and even anger. I felt so alone with nobody reaching out. The experts tell you about all the phases you will go through; shock, anger, loneliness, etc. but I have found one of the most important phases is being left with yourself. I had to spend a lot of time getting to know me. I could not depend on anyone to know what I was going through. I only had me. I had to heal myself and get to know who I really was. I had to learn how to entertain myself and do things with only me. It is a lonely process but I'm starting to like me. I always valued my self-worth by how many friends I had, how I took care of my family and handled all their problems and how many functions I went to. Now my world as I knew it was gone. My friends and family are uncomfortable around me and don't know what to say anymore. They just don't understand this madness called grief.
Yes, what you are going through and feeling is very normal. Use this time to start becoming a friend to yourself. You will end up like a lot of us with a different and new life. You will change, your friends will change, and your outlook of life and what is important will change.
Keep coming back to this site. We will all help you and be your new support and friends. You have joined a club--the Grief Club. I have found a whole group of people I am honored and humbled to have met on this site.
