Feeling lost :(

by Em

I am feeling so lost at the moment. People keep telling me I will get better but I feel like I NEVER will. I lost My Grandad recently-the only one I had left.
He lived a good life and he died peacefully in his sleep.
But I just feel so down, when people mention having grandparents round at Christmas
I feel angry and jealous because three of mine have died.
I feel like a 15 year old should have her grandparents around to watch her grow and for Christmases and birthdays etc...
But then I feel really ungreatful and bratty because I know it could be alot worse.
I just find it hard to understand why he died and feel really angry and depressed, I feel like he should be here for Christmas because it is time for having fun and having family around.
Everyone else is coping even my Mom and it was her Dad.
I just feel so angry and resentful of other people who still have all their grandparents.
It is constantly on my mind all the time and I feel like I will never get better or move on.
I'm scared of growing up because I know that one day it will be my parents and the thought kills me inside. Is it normal to feel like this? please help me! I feel like I am going out of my mind!

Comments for Feeling lost :(

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Dec 23, 2011
Thank you
by: Em

Thank you Marilyn. I just feel angry because I want him back.
I grew up with him and my Nan and loosing her was hard enough but I copes because me and my Grandad would always talk about her and relive the memories and now
he is gone ;( He was meant to be here for christmas and he wont be! I know they had to die sometime bur I wish it wasnt now I wanted them to see m grow up and tell them about college and stuff and now I am terrified to grow
up because I dont want to loose more people.
I know they were sick my first Grandad from alchol related disease and my Nan from smoke related. My other Grandad did live to a good age of 86. and he used to be a heavy smoker! I just cant believe he is gone, most kids my age worry about school,make-up,boys,etc.. and I worry about death and growing up ;( sorry for rambling thanks for the comment :)

Dec 22, 2011
It's OK to feel WHATEVER you're feeling!
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of your grandfather and all of this sadness that goes with it. It is especially tough to lose family members at such a young age and even tougher when you're very close to them or spent a lot of time with this person. I still remember losing my uncle on my 8th birthday and how it ripped my heart out.
Don't worry about feeling ungrateful or bratty. Things are bad enough and you don't need to worry about worse or what could be. This is bad enough and you are entitled to feel whatever it is that you are feeling.
As far as all the anger, resentment and jealousy you are feeling, it is quite normal too.
We reflect on all of these other feelings as a way of coping with our pain. You may even go through a period of being angry with the person that died and left you with all this hurt. It has nothing to do with actually being angry with them or blaming them. It is just a coping mechanism our mind uses, to help shield us from some of the deepest pain and the real WORSE.
Take whatever time you need to heal and handle this in the way that comforts you. This loss affects everyone differently and there is no NORMAL set rule for coping with your loss. You will make that up as you go along, coping from day to day, and it may some time to get through it. Just know that "the only way through it, is through it", so allow yourself to grieve in your own way, as part of your healing process. And know, NO, you are not crazy or anything like that. That's how a lot of us came to this site, to find out if we were crazy, feeling like this for so long and so intensely. This is all NORMAL, in all its different forms, for what we are going through.
May God bless you and help you through this and you will heal in time.

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