FEELING LOST STILL
by silver laduke
It's been 2 yrs on May 29th since the love of my life went home to GOD.I miss him so much.Most of my support group is gone:my baby sister died Nov 1 2001 @44 yrs old,my dad died Dec.9 2009,my best friend of 28yrs died May 29,2010,my mom June 30,2010 and my husband of 33 yrs died May 29,2011.I have buried 2 grandchildren.My younger brother and 2 sisters live in Texas--I live in Alabama.They don't call me very often. One sister will text me on holidays but it has been at least 3 months since I have talked to them.The only way I get to talk to them is if they aren't at work and answer the phone.My oldest son is moving to Florida,my 2nd son lives in Maryland,my 3rd son is gone on his job except for a few days each month.So around me I have my youngest son,3 grown grandchildren and a dau-in-law.I am feeling so lonely. I still feel as if I have lost all my support system even though I know it's not true.I have no strong friendships though some people at church are casual friends to me.The restaurant that was favorite to my husband and I has a couple of people who are friends when I go there,but no one calls me or suggests we go out or anything like that.I am,FINALLY,getting to the acceptance point of my grief but it doesn't change the fact of the feeling of being so alone.I have found you can be in a crowd and still feel lonely.I posted another poem called ARE YOU LISTENING?.I ask GOD if he is listening when I cry out to HIM.Of course I know HE is but sometimes I wish I knew what HE has in store for me.I don't blame GOD for my family leaving because I see the good reasons for why they left,(my dad was losing a battle to cancer,my mom's alzheimers was getting worse,my friends heart was giving out,and my husband couldn't breathe very well and probably had cancer of the lung)but it still hurts so much.I still have to make myself get up and get moving each day.I still make myself do at least 2 things each day.Some days I still want to stay in bed and go back to sleep but I am getting to the point that I know I need to get up and get on with life.I still don't want to but I am going to,somehow.I feel for all of us who have sent family on ahead.The pain is not only emotional but physical.The weather is warm but I stay cold.I have aches and pains all over but it's probably because I don't move around as much as I should.Please take care of yourselves.GOD give you peace and strength to keep going.I send prayers of love and support.To all who write on this site:Thanks for all your support.This site has helped me so much.I know I can go here and know i'm not alone.That is one of the most important helps I have.GOD bless you all.