Feeling Lost

by SJG

Right now, in this moment, as we watch my mother-in-law painfully surrender to pancreatic cancer, my story is too sad to get into. So I will just say this; death and I have had an ongoing relationship since I was a little girl. My dad died a month after I turned ten. It was life-changing and very traumatic.

1967 - My DAD died at age 42.
1968 - My 20 year old cousin (and next door neighbor) died in a car crash.
1969 - My Godfather died at 44
1970's Various aunts and uncles
1991 - My 38 year old BROTHER died
1996 - My 42 year old BROTHER died
1980's Grandparents
2006 - My FRIEND and mentor
2009 - My MOM
2011 - My Godmother

Four grandparents are gone

Twelve aunts and/or uncles

And now my cousins are dying. I have recently lost 3.

My father-in-law is gone and my mother-in-law is in the dying stages.

I am 54 years old and feel lost.

If you read this far, thanks for allowing me to "say" this without feeling like I'm whining and should just get over it.

Comments for Feeling Lost

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Jan 24, 2012
by: Feeling Lost

Thank you both for responding. I'm sorry for your losses as well. After my second brother died, I got myself into therapy. She had a few run ins with cancer and I just found out recently that the sarcoma has returned for the third time. The outcome is not looking hopeful. I sometimes wonder why I let myself feel anything for others as they all seem to die. (I know everyone faces loss, but sometimes it feels like "enough is enough"). But, on the flip side, my life would not have been the same without them, even if some were only here for a short while. Again, thanks for understanding.

Jan 17, 2012
loved ones
by: vicky

you never get over loved ones, we have just lost our 26 year old son, he has left such a big hole in all our lives, life seems unbearable at the moment, I lost my dad 20 years ago and still think of him, my husband has lost his mother,father, brother nephew all his grand parents and now his first son, how much can one person get over, they tell us that you do though thinking of you at this sad time, our son has been gone 7 weeks Vicky

Jan 16, 2012
Pancreatic Cancer
by: wdm

Feeling Lost I feel your pain I would never know the grief you are going through because it has been very extensive. My mom had pancreatic cancer in 1997 she was 64. We flew her to Johns Hopkin In Baltimore had the whipple done on a Friday she passed away the following Wed from complications. My best friend is 44 and was put in hospice last week with pancreatic cancer, His father passed away years ago at the age of 44 and as you know these are normal people living normal lives. I went to see my friend yesterday his time is near but he is so strong and sharp mentally but his body is just gone. He is so close to God , it was like he was with me and him yesterday. He assured me everthing was ok. we cried and we laughed . What a relief it is to know how he feels.I have prayed for my friend everyday and think of him 24/7. But I guess thats just the hand of cards he was dealt and we have to play them the way we know how to.Your post is very touching and familiar in a way. The grieving process is tough and different for everyone but as you know time will make it easier why i do not know but it does. So hang tough and I will say a prayer for you and you family. May God Bless You

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