Feeling really alone in this......

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Feeling really alone in this......

by Lisse
(Florida)

This is my first time on this site, I have read a lot of stories from people like me. Today is one year my husband was taken from me. It has been the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I thought that I was doing good in the grieving process but I was so wrong. As the anniversary of this death came closer, I found myself thinking more and more about him and about our relationship. It felt like he had died all over again, the pain I felt in my heart was just like it was when I found out he was taken from me. The emptiness in my soul was the same I felt a year ago.

I knew it was going to tough but I had no idea I was going to feel this loss like this again. I have no one that can relate to what I am going thru, so I feel really, really alone. I am raising our daughter who is 5 yrs old, so I try to be strong in front of her, but this is killing me inside. I ask myself when will this stop hurting, or if I will ever feel normal again. I love him and miss him dearly. He was only 34 yrs old when he was murdered and I feel so alone and lost without him, I don't know what to do.

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Feeling really alone in this......

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Thanks
by: Lisse

I just wanted to thank everyone for their comments, I do appreciate it a lot. When I come on this site I know that I am not alone in this. I will continue to come to this site because it has helped me. I still have a very long road ahead of me but it's good to know that there are good, caring people on this site helping me with their advice. Thank you and please continue to comment, I need all the advice I can get. God Bless...

Glad you found this site
by: Ms Mack

Lisse,

Every night and morning I come to this site for support. It has helped me and I've found so many understanding people with the same grief. I lost my soulmate a little over 5 months ago and my sadness comes and goes often. I must admit that when I read postings from those grieving over a year I thought to myself "this can't last that long"! Now I know what they mean. The birthdays, anniversaries, memories exist without them and we live through it. Hang in there and remember..... Grieving is rough and some days it is the boss.

I hope you find strength here. Keep writing, get stronger and know we are here to listen. My prayers and best to you.

I read postings from others....even more than a year, I almost feel dissappointed.

feeling really alone in this
by: jules

Lisse - I know the feeling of feeling alone, in a crowd of people - without this site I don't know where I would be. My darling husband had a sudden stroke and passed away in November 2009, so I am just over a year into my new life.

I have a new life, because the old one can't exist any more - John is not here to share it with me. This is the way I am surviving - I know if I need help, I can come to this site, and someone from somewhere in the world will be there for me, understanding how I am feeling, what I am going through.

So my advice is the same as the others, take one breath, one step forward every day. Use this site as your personal counsellor, you will find it invaluable, and it will help you cope, hopefully make life a bit easier to deal with.

Take care
jules

so sorry
by: Jackie

Hi Lisse, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 37 years in Oct. I think of him every second of every day. I find it hard to think of anything else. I am coping as best I can. Losing a husband to illness is terrible, but losing a husband to murder is just horrific. I wish you the best to deal with this loss the best way you can. No one understands if they haven't experienced this loss themselves. Take care of yourself.

Hello Lise
by: Jen

Hi Lise,

I feel your awfullness thro your words and i wish i could give you a big big hug.
I lost my Richard when he was 41 and i was 38 two years ago.

On Richards second anniversary i was hit really hard but i came thro.

Lise this is utter crap as we say here in Northern Ireland. This uninvited journey is full of so many ups and downs but stay strong.
Your doing a great job Lise for both you and your son. Be proud. Stay in touch with us. We all understand.

Take care,
Jen

So glad you found this site...
by:

Lisse,

I am so sorry for your loss and that fact that you JUST found this site. You have nothing to compare your grief to. No way of knowing how grief had so many ups and downs. I wish that with grief you just got better and better, But it does not work that way.

I often think that Oh I am managing much better, less crying fits, I am getting stronger!
And then a memory will drag you back.

Hence the 1 step forward 3 steps back.
Things get easier it might be 1 step forward 2 steps back. Keep reading...You will see that certain anniversarys Etc. Their Birthday, Your Birthday, Your wedding anniversary, and especially a year since Their Death.

You wonder how time managed to pass an entire year? You Remember as a movie exactly what happened that day. Everything comes crashing down as if you have made no progress at all.

But you have. You have come so far! Please continue to read, It will help you a great deal as it has helped me. Today is One Year and One Month. One day...I Hope that I will not go through the 6th of the month remembering that it is "That" Day. Much strength to you in your journey of grief. Please visit here often.
HH

I know, I know.
by: Judy

Lisse,

I also lost my husband one year ago, in November 2009. The days leading up to the anniversary of his death were awful and the depression that led up to it nearly killed me physically, spiritually and emotionally.

I urge you to find some counseling or grief support group if you can in your town. Just because a year has gone by doesn't mean you are no longer in pain. Others who are on this miserable path understand perfectly and we are always here for you. Come back often to talk to us because we know. I certainly understand. Take care and treat yourself gently. You don't have to answer to anyone.

JM

So Much Loss
by: Pat J

Jean,
I lost my husband on December 3, 2010. Although we all knew how ill he was we had the hope of a heart transplant that never happened. I think I am still in a state of shock. I feel numb most of the day and am just existing.

The amount of loss you suffered in one year is overwhelming. I have suffered loss many times in my lifetime but never what you are going through. The loss of my husband hit me like a ton of bricks. I can't even imagine how you feel with all the loss you've endured. You most likely can't (nor should you try to) do this on your own.

I too have two young adult children. They continued on with their lives.....I sit and cry. They loved their dad very much but have their own families. When my husband was so ill he used to call and ask both of our children to come and visit him. They were very busy and although they both live close by we saw them once a week (sometimes just twice a month). It really hurt his feelings that they didn't visit more.

This is a wonderful site to express your feelings. It does help. I am starting a grief support group tonight. Nobody knows what we are going through like others who are experiencing the same thing. I know I'm going to experience ups and downs over the next several years. I pray daily for peace and relief from this pain. Everyone tells me it's something we have to face and deal with if we are ever to have some happiness in our lives again. I hope for some joy in your day for you. Little baby steps... one breath, one step at a time.

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Feeling really alone in this......

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Feeling really alone in this......