feeling so lost

I just buried my husband this past Monday. He had been ill for the past year with lung cancer. I am having a hard time coping with him not being around. The house feels empty. We met in 1993 and were married 2009. We decided to make it right, buy some property and start a new chapter. The next month after marrying, I lost my job (economy). Then in 2010 I lost my mother at 81 due to complications of surgery for clogged main valve in her heart. Then our friends talked my husband and I into going to see some property out in the desert in August 2011. My husband fell ill and I almost lost him then. He struggled for a year to survive. Just in May 2012, I lost my younger brother due to a massive heart attack at age 49. And if that is not enough, in 1991 I lost my 18 year old niece in a jeep accident. It took a few years to heal from her death. She came to me in a dream and I know she came to sooth my heart because it felt so real. I was with my husband (boyfriend) at the time. His mother was dying when I met him. I helped him through that grieving process and then he helped me go through my dad's passing in 1996. My dad died of Hodkin's Lymphoma at 65 yrs. And now as I mourn for my husband, my other niece of 19yrs is battling cancer and has been for the past 4 years. It has moved from bone to lung and kidney. Just as I start to heal from one thing I get zapped for another. I have 6 chihuahuas and 2 cats and they keep me busy, but today I am grieving very hard and just want to cry that my heart hurts from so much grief and uncertainty. B~

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Aug 17, 2012
feeling so lost
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear FEELING SO LOST. I am sorry for your loss and all the losses of all the other members in your family. I know how you feel. It is early days. You are facing the first stages of raw grief and it hurts so bad you wonder how you can go on with unbearable sorrow. I lost my husband almost 13 weeks ago from Lung Cancer caused by working with Asbestos. I nursed Steve for over 3yrs. It was a very painfull journey seeing him die slowly. We were married 44yrs. He was very ill throughout the whole of the cancer and had no quaility of life so did not enjoy his 11months into retirement. He had such plans as a carpenter. A lost skill. A great loss to us and the world. He was LOVED by everyone. I am going through some bad grief days I may have to take my own advice and go see a grief counsellor. I suggest you see a grief counsellor since you have so much loss to deal with it is almost overlapping. It is far too many losses to cope with and with your niece being so ill also you would benefit from the support. I don't know your name but if you need ongoing support you could email me @ doreenelkington@aol.com

Aug 16, 2012
I am with you.
by: Anonymous

Yes I am with you. So lost without my wife. Just getting by day by day. It has been almost 5 months and I long for her so much it is crippling. I am not going to give up. She was so strong and beautiful I owe to her memory to strive and survive. That is all I can tell. Tears are streaming down for both of us.

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