Feeling such a complex feeling of sadness
I lost my mother when I was 8 years old to a car accident on January 14, 2004. am now 20. I feel as if when I was a child, when it was happening (the funeral, beforehand, after, my father breaking the news to me) I felt like I was in a fog. I have few memories of this experience, all I can remember from the viewing is kissing my mother goodbye in the casket and playing with Legos in the basement with all of my cousins and the classmates of mine that attended. I'm so thankful for all of the people in my life during that time. But lately, I have been having feelings of extreme sadness, and they are all very sudden. It's like I just woke up one morning from the fog I mentioned earlier and said to myself, "my mom is dead." Mother's Day, Christmas, her birthday, my birthday, other holidays are now all so depressing to me. It's all just so sudden. I must have just blocked my emotional pain as a child and never really dealt with the loss, because now I suddenly feel so depressed. I'm not sure what to do. I feel strange talking to my father about it because I'm SO sad SO suddenly. My relationship with my father has turned into more of a roommate arrangement. I just feel so weird. I want someone to talk to so badly. I feel so uncomfortable though. I'm beginning to hate myself and life. I just want to see my mother. I have few memories. There are few pictures. I don't know what to do.