Feeling very low

by jules
(Boonah, Qld, Australia)

Well, Valentines Day has come and almost gone here in Australia - and even though John and I didn't make a big fuss, he would usually buy me flowers, just from the local garage or roadside stall - but the thought was there - made me know he loved me - I always put a card or note in his lunchbox, we had a laugh. Didn't need Valentines Day to know that we loved each other.

Today - nothing - in town, the delivery people up and down the street with beautiful arrangements. But sitting here now, early evening, by myself, having a drink, and something to eat, I feel so sad - is this going to be my life forever? Will there ever be anyone else for me I wonder. I am not looking actively, but I don't know if I can live for the rest of my life, however long it is, on my own.

The weather is like me, grey and stormy - tv is playing up - surrounded by hills, and always does this if a storm coming. I am trying to keep myself buoyant and active, but there are times when it is just so lonely, and I want to cry, I miss John so much, he understood me so well- but I will get over this - every day one step, one breath
take care