Feeling very low

by jules
(Boonah, Qld, Australia)

Well, Valentines Day has come and almost gone here in Australia - and even though John and I didn't make a big fuss, he would usually buy me flowers, just from the local garage or roadside stall - but the thought was there - made me know he loved me - I always put a card or note in his lunchbox, we had a laugh. Didn't need Valentines Day to know that we loved each other.

Today - nothing - in town, the delivery people up and down the street with beautiful arrangements. But sitting here now, early evening, by myself, having a drink, and something to eat, I feel so sad - is this going to be my life forever? Will there ever be anyone else for me I wonder. I am not looking actively, but I don't know if I can live for the rest of my life, however long it is, on my own.

The weather is like me, grey and stormy - tv is playing up - surrounded by hills, and always does this if a storm coming. I am trying to keep myself buoyant and active, but there are times when it is just so lonely, and I want to cry, I miss John so much, he understood me so well- but I will get over this - every day one step, one breath
take care

Comments for Feeling very low

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Feb 15, 2011
Jules
by: Pam

Jules,

I know exactly what you mean. John and I didn't really do anything either, but Valentine's Day, and the days leading up to it, were so hard on me too! I think it really hit me that I am not the center of the universe for anybody anymore, that there is nobody on this earth who loves me with their whole heart, and would sink into depression if I died. That really hit me, although I have family and friends I don't have someone that loves me like that anymore, and Valentine's Day just really emphasized that to me. To be with someone so long that they feel like you are a part of them, to have them leave us is more than we can bear. I feel lost without him. Being married 34 years I didn't feel like a "me", I was part of a "we" and I want that back. I don't think about down the road, just trying to get thru each day and get up each morning. But we will make it, with each others help!

It will get better for us, someday, hang in there!

Feb 15, 2011
Your Hope
by: Anonymous

It was nice to read, you still have hope in your soul.
You were made to love and be loved. When you are ready, love will find your way.

Be patient, and build on your hope, your joy, your love.

Kind Regards

Geoffrey.

Feb 14, 2011
Missing My Valentine
by: TrishJ

Jules~it's been almost three months for me since my husband died. Another person on this site said she stopped saying "he left me." She said~he never would've left me. I'm not saying that now anymore either. My husband would never have left me had he been given the choice. I'm sure yours wouldn't have either.
I miss his physical presence. I miss holding his hand even though he was so weak. I miss hearing, "I love you" every day. I wonder myself if I will spend the rest of my life alone. I'm 58 and we were married for 37 years. He was all I know. I think right now ~ NO WAY!! I could never be with another man. All of my friends tell me I'll change my mind in a year or two. I'll have to pray on it. If God wants me to be with someone else so be it. If not, I'll have to adjust. I know I have 37 years of wonderful memories (but memories don't keep us comfort as the sun is going down~that's when it's the worst). Wine helps a little.
My husband always wanted to visit Australia. I hope to some day but then again~he wouldn't be wth me so I don't know if I could. I hear it's beautiful.
Blessings to you Jules.

Feb 14, 2011
Still feeling lost and lonely too...
by: Ms lonelyhearts

Jules,

I know whatcha mean. I really do. I am not ready to start dating, Not that there is anything in this one horse town worth dating. But find myself so unbearably lonely. Paul would buy a bunch of flowers for Valentines Day at the last minute, pretty much falling off the stem but I knew, Always from his look, a touch that he Loved me deeply. I always Felt soooo incredibly lucky that he Loved me when the charmer that he was, he could have had anyone.

This weekend I fell apart, Yesterday I could not stop bawling/sobbing. I could not control myself and wondered what is wrong with me? Why am I sobbing? I thought I was stronger than this?!!

So even at 14 months it still hurts like hell.
I am grateful however that frustration caused me to come home and tidy things up, actually give a damn and be able to focus. It sure beats feeling nothing but blah...

You have a great personality and strong will. If it is ever to be right with another person you will know it, not struggle with it. You know that John would want you to be happy and only you know what you need for that. Always one breath and one step and we will walk miles...
HH

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