Feels like a huge hole in my heart , losing my husband

by Shannon Walter
(Lake Worth, Florida)

My name is Shannon, My husband name is Barry, we were married in May of 1996. We had 2 beautiful children my son Andrew is 14 and my daughter is 11. My husband was 45 yrs old and had a massive heart attack in his sleep... When i woke that horrible morning to get my daughter off to school. I came inside from getting her off to school came into bedroom to wake my husband for work and my son for school. Well when i went to wake my husband he didn't move as a matter of fact he was cold and stiff.... well i immediately checked for a pulse and found none.. I woke my son so he wouldn't wake to paramedics in the house... well before i could explain to my son what happened he ran into bedroom and tried to wake his Dad up.... The police and paramedics came and left.. At the funeral... both my children broke down and my daughter has had a few times of being upset but my son... he seems so angry at me and his sister... I have not seen him cry or show any emotions since the funeral... When i ask him how he is doing or try and talk to him bout everything he just clams up and says he don't wanna talk bout it... Is this normal? or should i b worried?

Comments for Feels like a huge hole in my heart , losing my husband

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Jan 21, 2012
by: Anonymous

I have had a hole in my heart since I was a little girl. Three brothers sexually abused me. I am 60 years old now. I hardly speak to the brothers. I have a sister who is 73 years old and she used to talk about the way I walked. Knock knees is what she said. My hole has closed up just a little but not all of the way. My mother died in a nursing home in 2007. My daughter married a man in 2006 and they are about to have their 4th child and the only work that he has ever done is mixed martial arts fighting every 3 or 4 weeks. My son married a woman with three kids and my son is now considering divorce.

Feb 23, 2011
I know what you are going through
by: Chris Czech

My husband died at home at the age of 45 leaving me with three children 12,10, 8. He woke me up Dec 11, 2010 complaining of heartburn and collapsed not long after that. There he laid and all three kids saw daddy lay there on the floor as I tried so hard to do CPR. We are all going to grief counseling but I worry most for the kids. My youngest Max is having the hardest time with it. He does not want to cry or even talk about that day or even daddy. the counselor says he must somehow process this but I don't know how to help him when I can't even help myself. It's a little over 10 weeks now and I feel worse than that first day, I feel the numbness is wearing off and now the real pain is setting in. I will pray for you because that is all I can do because if I could take mine and your pain away i most certainly would. People keep saying that i am strong, they are so wrong.

Feb 17, 2011
Your sons grief
by: Anonymous


My son has dealt with the death of his father in a similar way. Just did not want to talk about it. But later he would fear something happening to me that I would leave him. Your son witnessed what will probably be seared in his mind. For now let him ease into grief his own way. Our school had a counselor that had a grief course, also he saw the psychologist for one on one talk. Sometimes they can talk to people outside the family easier. When I bring up grief counseling he says that he doesn't want to.
I think keeping the term grief out of the counseling they will talk if and when they need to once they are comfortable with them.
He will probably have outburst and problems with his studies. It is all part of their way of dealing with their loss. My best to you on this journey of grief.

Feb 15, 2011
Feel like a huge hose in my heart
by: Anonymous

Shannon, everyone handles grieving differently. All you can really do is make suggestions to him. The first thing I would suggest to him is to come to this website. If not to post to read. There are so many wonderful people here, I'm sure there is someone out there who is feeling the same feelings that he has, or has had those feelings in the past. Once you come here it really helps alot. To know that you are not going crazy, everything you are feeling is normal for your grief. I feel this would help him alot, but all you can do is make the suggestion. If he doesn't want to come to this website, just getting a journal, spiral, anything to write on would probably help him also. I am so sorry for your and your familys loss. Please come here often, you can get some words of wisdom from people who really understand and care. Most of us have adopted a saying or version of a saying one step one breath one day Take care

Feb 12, 2011
My Heart Goes Out To You
by: TrishJ

Shannon~As I read your story my heart aches for you and your children. I lost my husband 10 weeks ago after 35 years of marriage. I am so lost and lonely right now. My young adult children are having a difficult time dealing with their dad's death~and they have children of their own. Of course your son is angry. He has a total right to be angry. If he's mad at you he's directing his anger the wrong way. He's not really mad at you~you are the closest and easiest person for him to take his anger out on.
Don't be afraid to ask for professional help in dealing with this anger. You have been dealt a crummy hand~there's no getting around that. You need the support and help of others so you can help your children. There is wonderful support on this site. Writing your feelings helps a great deal. Keep us posted. You really can't do this alone so don't be afraid to ask for help. God's blessings to you.

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