Fiance not who i thought he was

by Casie

Oh where do i start? I was 21 and started a relationship with a guy who swept me off my feet. He would always say how i was out of his leage and would write long letters about how i was his angel come true and his soul mate. He proposed after a 1 1/2 years. That valentines day i was helping him with his english paper and he went in the bathroom with his phone. Long story short he went in there to email a girl he had been talking to from his class. The girl thought we had broken up apparently. I then come to find out he has been on craigslist emailing girls and has gone out to the movies and stuff like that with different girls.
The emotions i felt were overwhelming and i break up with him. I then decide i dont want to be without him and want to give us another try because i love him so much. Well he dosnt feel the same way. Its like he switched into this whole different person and was so angry and resentful towards me. He started screaming at me and telling me how i was always terrible to him and causing drama and that his health was better now that he was away from me. I started to feel guilty for all the little wrongs i had done in the relationship and fought to get him back. After 4 months we finally get back together and exactly 1 year later we break up again.
I felt the second time we got back together he was never the same. Like he didnt value and respect me as much. And i was having a hard time trusting him. We had a blow up fight and he moved out. He was giving me so many mixed signals though. He said he wanted to work on us that he moved for us and then the next day he would be ice cold. I think now he has changed his number so i cant even get a hold of him. He cant even be man enough to break up with me properly. My heart is broken and i feel i was committed to someone that clearly lied about being committed to me.
Do you think i made a mistake by trying to get back together with him in the first place? and what do you think is going on with him? why is he so confusing?

Comments for Fiance not who i thought he was

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Mar 08, 2012
Time to Move on - IT"S OVER
by: Judith

Casie, yes you nmade a bad choice to get back with him. WHo cares what is going on with him. It's you you should be concerned about. Why does he have to spell it out for you that it is over when you know it's over. Forget about him as he doesn't love or respect you and you certainly don't want to be with someone who treats you with no respect do you?

I hope you don't.. get back your self esteem and refuse to be with anyone who treats you less than you deserve.

Mar 08, 2012
RUN, don't walk...
by: Anonymous

Honestly, he is doing you a favor. I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I lived with by boyfriend and thought we were fine. He started acting weird one weekend and said he felt like things weren't working out and that he was leaving. He packed a few things and left that night. I was devastated. We had a raging snow storm that night and the next day as I sat there STILL crying, I started recalling how he had been getting what seemed to be a very large number of texts the past few weeks. The phones were in MY name. I check and sure enough he's been speaking to some girl. I confront him and he tells me he's just been talking to her mostly via text and "met her at the mall once". I asked him if he was going to see her again and all he could say was "I don't know". A few days later, he texts me (drunk as usual) telling me she "broke" things off with him. We spoke a few times during the week then agreed to have a "date" on Sunday. We ended up back together and he came home and everything was fine... but it really never was... I didn't ever really trust him again. I was constantly checking the phone bill and seeing who he was in contact with. After a few months I finally stopped because I was driving myself crazy. In the spring we went to a cookout at a friend of his house from his bowling league and she was friends with this girl. She proceeds to get drunk and tell me that he had told them that he and I were broken up and that was the only reason she set him up with her friend. Then goes on to tell me that their "meeting at the mall" was actually a dinner date AND he brought her flowers! Mind you, all the while, this happened while he was living with me. So he lied to me about where he was and I was sitting at home thinking nothing of it... We spoke about it and for whatever reason I still stayed with him... The following May, I was laid off from my job on a Thursday afternoon, the following Friday, he broke up with me... He was obsessed with money and VERY cheap. I think he was afraid I might ask him for 5 bucks. I made enough on unemployment that I could still pay my part of the bills but he still broke it off. He turned around and put an offer on a condo the next week... nice guy...
Needless to say I was devastated... I couldn't sleep or eat and all i did was cry... But as time passed, I realized that I wasn't nearly as happy as I had myself convinced I was. Plus I never trusted him fully again. If you can't trust your mate/spouse, you really have nothing. He did me the hugest favor that day even though at the time it didn't feel that way.
Take this opportunity to step back and really look to see if you really are happy with this man and IF you really can ever trust him again. I am willing to bet you will answer no to both questions. I wish you all the best, heart breaks are awful but sometimes they truly are a blessing...

Mar 08, 2012
Going forward
by: Anonymous

Hi Casie,
Only you can answer the first question. He is the only one that can answer the others. My question to you is "Why do you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you?". It is a really hard question for anyone to answer without doing some soul searching. It took me a while to answer that many, many years ago when I broke up with my first love. In the end the breakup was the best thing for me.
Life does go on and we all learn from our past experiences. Step back, take stock of the situation and then move forward. Remember the saying "To thine own self be true." Take one breath, one step and one day at a time. May God hold you gently in the palm of His hands.

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