Fighting for my sons education alone

by Hope
(Tappahannock)

Feeling alone in battle

Feeling alone in battle

It's been just over 3 years since My Love died. And though I am much better the stresses that life brings makes me long for him. I know the he is here in spirit as I fight for my sons education. My son was diagnosed with autism 6 months after my husbands death. I knew little about Asperger's syndrome at the time of diagnosis. But now that he is 14 almost 15 in March it is becoming more obvious. The difference between Neuro typical (regular teens) and my son have come to a head as he struggles socially and emotionally at school and at home.

The high school he attends does not have an autism expert (Tappahannock VA) and the teachers do not understand his educational and emotional needs. Although they claim that they are getting an autism expert to the school and that she/he will teach the teachers how to teach he needs help now. I need to work on his IEP individual education plan to make sure he gets the proper goals,benchmarks and accommodations that he needs.

I am no expert but I do know that he was suspended for 2 weeks because his disability . I know that he has the right to an education and at this time I want to have him attend a day school for ASD and ADD. Under FAPT I have this right. His present school should pay for and transport him to this school. But I need to prove the need.

It sounds easy enough right? I know my son and understand his learning disabilities. Yet not enough to fight for him properly in an effective way to make it happen. I have gotten wrightslaw books from emotions to advocacy and writing an effective IEP. The other parents I have talked to have been fighting for their children's education for years and know the ins and outs. They do not let their emotions get in the way as they fight step by step.

I get emotional and wish oh how I wish he were here to make everything o.k. Together we could conquer the world alone, I feel so ineffective and weary.

I Miss him still...I guess that I always will
HH

Comments for Fighting for my sons education alone

Click here to add your own comments

Apr 06, 2013
Very Understanding
by: Tom

Hope
I am here if you ever need someone to bounce ideas off or if you just need to vent. I understand where your coming from with the public schools.

Apr 05, 2013
still fighting
by: Anonymous

Tom,

I am in the midst of the fight. I guess the one good thing about grief is when you really need to get in there and fight for your kids needs grief will take a back seat momentarily. Not that I have stopped missing him, that I still some times pull the whoa is me wait I think that miss spelling was bragging. woah is me? anyway not time for a life is so unfair pity party when a fire is beneath you and you need to move and move now to fix things. Having a child with autism, Aspergers to be specific is no easy thing parenting alone. I have an IEP meeting soon. In fact it has been 30 days since the tri annual testing. They recently wanted me to sign a paper for social skills classes that they have said were necessary for years but not implemented . When I got to school to sigh for a scheduling change, it was to sign the IEP, no meeting just sign here so that he can receive services....No not until we have an IEP that I agree with with measurable benchmarks and attainable goals. I like the yearly goal to become more organized it has been in place since kindergarden with no measurable benchmarks.

I would like to chat with you about parenting and grief if that would be o.k. Having a special needs child and grief are two different yet highly emotional things to deal with. I will be the first to admit it is hard to do especially when your heart is on the mend.

I will write next week sometime if your offer still stands...
Hope


Apr 05, 2013
Thinking about you
by: Tom

Hope,

Its been awhile since we talked and I wanted to see how things are going for you and your son. Last we talked you was fighting with the school. I would love to chat and talk and compare stories. I hope all is going better for you all

Feb 16, 2013
That would be great
by: Tom

Hope,

I know what you are talking about. I dont think grief is something we will ever be over with. I have met some great people and would love to share stories and talk. I know the schools are full of it and they just dont care sometimes. If you would like please feel free to email me anytime at mkc1tlm@ups.com. Thanks for sending a reply

Feb 14, 2013
Tom,
by: Anonymous

Tom,

The schools are full of it. The school psychologist told me that kids especially teens tend to put off grief, so it is not unusual that my son began to reeeeealy grieve his dad after the 2 year mark. It was 3 years Dec.(6th 2009) I am currently trying to find grief counseling for him. I found counseling through hospice but it is more difficult to do so for children. Finally found a place in Richmond called full circle and it is for familys so that is great. Handing in the paperwork today.

Ha be over grief?!! are you? I am not, I miss My Love when things get rough, I need someone to talk to (I miss that most)that understands grief and having a special needs child. I have wondered about dating but I want a companion and what guy wants that right?
Ya think we can talk? My grief buddy I met here has since moved on like most. He has been engaged to be married for a year or better and though I do not think that I am in complicated grief grief complicates my life.
interested in sharing parenting stories and tips?
HH

Feb 13, 2013
Understanding
by: Tom

Hope,

I am so sorry you to have to deal with this alone. I am dealing with my son and the IEP process and schools here in Missouri. They dont understand that we only want whats best for the kids. They dont understand what it is like when these young kids lose a Father or Mother and what is going on in their heads. My sons school told me last year in the IEP meeting that he should be over his mom passing away and he should have been moving forward with his life. I tried to explain that kids dont bounce back that fast. They are very attached. At least when our loved ones were here they understood and gave us that other person to talk with. Stay strong and set it up good. Once its in place it is hard to make changes. Please let me know if you have any question. Ill help all I can and what I have been though the last 3 years

Feb 11, 2013
Fighting for my sons education alone
by: Doreen U.K.

Hope my heart goes out to you. What a very difficult place you are in right now without the support you need. It must feel as if you are bashing your head against a brick wall and no one can hear or understand your need.
I live in England. My sister's grandson Cory is now 18yrs. He suffers with autism and fell through the net. The schools he went to were unsympathetic and unsupportive and just thought Cory was a naughty disruptive child and Cory became very frustrated and had bad epileptic seizures. It would take too long to tell his story but he suffered badly. Now at 18yrs. Cory is frustrated and upset. Very depressed. He wants a job, and to drive a car and he can't. Life seems to be stacked against him. Worse now because his illness put a strain on his Mum (my niece) and her marriage broke up. Cory is Lost in the system. Struggling with life. I know how you must feel. You are also coping with the loss of a husband and now a child with a disability who is not getting the proper care he needs and you are trying to fight for him and his needs to be met. Don't apologise for being emotional. You lost your husband. You have no support. You are in a hard place. See if you can tap into your senator or someone in authority who can get the ball rolling for you. Or get on TV and get your story heard. It all sounds so easy. But I know it is going to be an uphill struggle. DON'T GIVE UP! Get people on your side. See your doctor. State your needs and frustration and appeal to him. God knows you need a friend just now. Someone to walk with you and just be there when you need them to be. If you don't get the support you need your son will be like Cory. Lost in the system and due to the loss of education it will make his condition worse through frustration. This is what happened to Cory. Cory has even felt suicidal at times so I know how fragile the situation is. Keep writing. Keep the battle going but get support with this. A Solo battle will wear you out. In our country the system is breaking down due to lack of resources. It feels as if no one cares anymore. You probably feel stuck. As if there is no where else to turn. Please let us know how things go and if you get the support you need. Perhaps someone in America who lives near you may just come to the rescue and be a friend just now and you can fight this battle together. I am sorry for your loss of husband and difficulties. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 10 months ago and in Grief. My email is doreenelkington@aol.com if you need further support.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • XML RSS
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget
->


 POPULAR
  RESOURCES


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the

GRIEF CLUB


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief
Program

Free Griefwork
E-Course

Free Stress
Management
E-Course



SBI Video Tour!