Finding a little Normal in grief

by Hope M Holt
(Tappahannock VA)

My Love

My Love

I have struggled to find the New Normal for months. In fact the past few months After the Year Mark lead me towards a downward spiral towards what could only be depression.

But today I found myself feeling more like myself. I suppose that is the start of the "new Normal" I did not feel incompetent at work but part of the team that makes the day happen. It has been so long that I have felt like an outsider of my own life unsure of most every move that I made. No self confidence and a mere shell of who I used to be.

My son asked yesterday morning what courage is. I told him it is doing the right thing even though you are scared.

Today I took Paul's Boxes that he used for E-Bay back to the post office. Feeling pretty good, I went to the police to get the very short report, one sentence at best the day that he died.

One day I will read what happened that day also read the medical report, But I am not strong enough yet. Nor am I ready to read his Love Letters or watch a DVD of our wedding... But I am getting there, becoming the confident friendly happy-go-lucky person I once was so very long ago...

I thought that you would want to hear my grief progress report so that you know that one day...And we are all different, Things will start to feel...O.K

Comments for Finding a little Normal in grief

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Feb 18, 2011
thank you Hope!
by: Pam

Hope (HH)

Thank you so much for sharing, the picture made me see a couple in love and feel your grief as you posted. You have not only commented on my posts but checked back on me if I hadn't posted in awhile. You, like your name, give me hope that I too will be able to be where you are one day. I am only at three months tomorrow so I know I have only truly begun my journey. You are an inspiration to all of us, but at the same time you know that you too have a way to go. Smartly tho, you know your limits, and remind us that we don't have to do anything we don't feel strong enough to do. There is no time limit, we can take as long as we need to. I'm not sure when I will feel normal again, or even what my new normal will feel like. I only know I hurt, I go thru not crying one week, then the next week non-stop crying. I found out yesterday that I will be a first time Grandma, and when our son told me I burst into tears, not quite what our son was hoping for, but I wish John was here to join in my excitement.
Thank you HH, for being there for me, and for sharing your story with us.

Feb 18, 2011
Thank YOU HH
by: TrishJ

It's almost three months since my husband died. Just to use the word died is a baby step for me. I kept saying he left us. He would have never left us. His body gave out. He died.
I'm very impatient with this grief journey. You inspire me so much. I want instant results and I know how I sometimes push myself in an attempt to "make things happen" instead of being patient and waiting things out.
I'm having a very difficult time in returning to things (and people) that we used to share together yet I leary of venturing out to do new things.
I just asked myself this morning, "When will the day come that I don't spend at least 30 minutes each morning crying my eyes out?"
You are so right about courage. I'm sort of lacking in that right now. You do inspire me and I'm very glad to hear of your progress. My friend wants me to do a pictorial dvd for my children. Right now I can't go through the pictures. I'm hoping to be able to complete it by Christmas ~ it would make a beautiful Christmas gift for them.
Keep up the good work and keep letting us know of your progress. I hope to be just like you when I grow (emotionally). Thanks so much.

Feb 18, 2011
Finding a little normal
by: M Mack


I'm so glad to hear you are taking steps forward. You are coming out of the grief a little at a time as you move along. I also need to thank you for all the encouragement you've sent to everyone. It has been more help than the therapist, priest and friends. I've been trying with everything I got to feel better and live. It's a long road but I know I will do this a little bit at a time. The longer it takes the tuffer we get right? Take care of yourself and be the wonderful lady that you are. We and I heartfully thank you for the update. Remember....slow, steady, one day at a time.

Feb 18, 2011
finding a litle normal in grief
by: jules

Hope - it happens - we find some sort of normality in this confusion - and that is good.
I am trying hard to get "myself" back - in three days time I will be hitching my caravan to the back of my car, and driving 1423kilometres to my home state, to meet up with old friends. I will then drive back home here a little while later. This is the "normal" me, who can cope with most things, make decisions and "live" my life.

There are times I feel like just burying my head, but these times are getting further and further apart. I think this trip will help me enormously - I hope so anyway.
One Step - one breath
take care

Feb 18, 2011
by: Zoe

As always you inspire us
Give those of us weighed down in the blanket of our grief hope.
Thank you

Feb 17, 2011
normal in grief
by: Linda(Quebec)

Firstly HH I would like to say I love your picture and thanks for sharing it with us all. When I looked at it tears welled up in my eyes for sadly I feel your pain.
I too still think my darling husband is somehow going to come walking in the door and say "Hi sweets" then suddenly I realize that is never going to happen............ever!
I'm reading books on grief , I'm going to a grief counsellor but the pain and sadness is overwhelming. I've even kept away from this site, which I have found so helpful, because reading about others pain and loss reminded me of my own and it has been too much to bear.
I haven't felt angry at all because as somebody told me "it is what it is" but all I know is....I want him back .
I wish I could say something to make you feel better even if only for a moment..........just know are not alone, we are all here feeling your pain.
1 breath, 1 step ,1 day at a time

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