Finding a little Normal in grief
by Hope M Holt
I have struggled to find the New Normal for months. In fact the past few months After the Year Mark lead me towards a downward spiral towards what could only be depression.
But today I found myself feeling more like myself. I suppose that is the start of the "new Normal" I did not feel incompetent at work but part of the team that makes the day happen. It has been so long that I have felt like an outsider of my own life unsure of most every move that I made. No self confidence and a mere shell of who I used to be.
My son asked yesterday morning what courage is. I told him it is doing the right thing even though you are scared.
Today I took Paul's Boxes that he used for E-Bay back to the post office. Feeling pretty good, I went to the police to get the very short report, one sentence at best the day that he died.
One day I will read what happened that day also read the medical report, But I am not strong enough yet. Nor am I ready to read his Love Letters or watch a DVD of our wedding... But I am getting there, becoming the confident friendly happy-go-lucky person I once was so very long ago...
I thought that you would want to hear my grief progress report so that you know that one day...And we are all different, Things will start to feel...O.K