Finding going to sleep difficult since losing my father.
I'm a 41 year old mum of 4, happily married and living in New Zealand.
We moved to NZ from the UK 12 years ago and it was really hard leaving my parents behind as I was very close with both of them.
Last January my father pasted away and my husband and I went back to Liverpool for the funeral. We could only stay just over a week as we had work commitments and the children to get back too.
It was all very rushed and since I've been back in NZ I feel very unsettled. It really hit me when I got home as I felt I hadn't really had the chance to grieve due to the flight arrangements and all the running around. Now 4 months later I still find myself stopping and crying when nobody is around, I have trouble getting to sleep and have visions of dad lying in his coffin as well as imagining Im talking to him in my head. I have no motivation and very sad thinking of dad all the time.
I do feel truly lost and also a bit silly. I feel after 4 months I should be getting over his death and find it hard talking to people.
I often talk to people and they ask me how old he was, when I say 81 they reply with "oh well he's had good innings then" why do people say this, he's dead, he's not coming back and his age has nothing to do with it, the pain still hurts. For me it's about the fact he's gone, not how long a life he lived.
I dunno, I feel a mixture of different things and hoping to find some resolve soon :-(