by J R

My precious mother passed recently. I am still full of shock as she seemed to be so much better when she relapsed.

My birthday and Christmas both fall together so it will be the first anniversaries without her wonderful presence.

She had such a difficult life bringing me and my brothers up on her own - she lost a child but I do not think she even had time to grieve as she had three jobs to support us .

We were never were rich we just got by, but she gave so much love and confidence to us all. My brother with learning problems leads a fulfilling life because of her sacrifices.

She never grumbled and accepted her lot, even when she had to sell the family home she had worked for years ago when my father was dying.

As her only adored daughter, best friend and devoted carer, how do I cope with these painful anniversaries without her ? She was and is everything to me.

Thank you for your time.


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Dec 06, 2012
First Birthday and Christmas without my darling mother
by: Doreen U.K.

JR I am sorry for your loss of your mom. You have been through a tough life with your mom. She had a difficult time bringing up a family. As your father was dying there would have been an immense strain on her. Mom's do carry on. They find an inner strength to carry on for their children. Your mom sounds like a remarkable person. A Mom's role is to make a sacrifice for her children and her husband. It is what makes her happy and fulfilled. She has done her duty well and she will have lived a contented life to know that she survived some of the worst difficulties in her life and you all came out of this tragedy intact.
I know it hurts so badly we wonder how we can go on. I have lost my husband and have to go on alone whether I like it or not. I did try to imagine what life would be like if our family lost another loved one. Losing my husband of 44yrs. is the worst grief I have ever experienced. It is strange how grief will make us look forward and wonder how we will go on and what life will be like. These feelings are scary because to face lonliness is another fear many have in life. Being lonely has a grief all of its own. We just soldier on and try our best. I will be happier when Christmas is over. I used to love Christmas but this one will not be the same. It is hard to carry on the same traditions. I guess I will have to make new ones' with new people. I hope that life will get better for you in the days ahead and that you won't look back with sadness for your mom's difficulties and losing her. But you will know that her struggles will have made her a stronger person. She will have completed her mission on earth for her family.

Dec 05, 2012
I am sorry for your loss
by: Alex

Hello JR,

I'm 23 and I lost my father in 2007 and my mother in 2011. I am an only child. I wont bother starting to tell you how hard it can be because you experienced and experiencing this still I am sure. It is and always will be hard, no lying about it. Myself i was very very close to my parents. Honestly, i still after all this time can't "shake it off". What i try to do, from time to time spend time on my own, thinking, sometimes even leting yourself to cry a little makes it easier for the soul. Try to keep things/ habits as normal as you can (imagine she is still there) dont avoid things like *not puting a song that she liked, and so on* the more you make her presence felt the better it may be. I have many pictures of my mother, in my room, of my father as well, on my cellphone. Maybe even have more time together with your family, sisters. Talk to her, thats right, it may sound crazy. One time i was driving and i was texting (yes i know, bad bad) and i can swear i heard my mothers voice saying "Alex" and i lifted up my head and the light was just turning RED . Trust me, no matter what you say, where you say it, she will know. Also i had dreams about her telling me she is ok, and that she is in a place where people take good care of her, imagine that!

My adive to you, keep her memories as alive as you can, also, be normal, be like you used to be before the sad moment occured. I hope this helps


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