first christmas without my dad
by mark t parsons
realised im into december , since dad died in july, up until now ive totally blanked out any emotion or feeling to cope with out him then for some unknown reason i wake very early christmas morning like if i was young again waiting to see what father christmas had come. i looked at the clock its 430am, then everything hit me , was like if time stood still i finally realised my dads gone , broke down in tears, i must have cried for ages , then thought to my self must pick my self up and carry on, dad would not have wanted me to be like this, since hes gone its left a terrible emptiness i cannot fill. i think we kid ourselves that were coping ok but deep down the pain still there, slowly eating into our heart day by day, trying to lift your self above it , and hoping there nothing to remind you of them because you know you wont cope, but as my dad said to me before he died , i lost my dad when i was 16 my brother ,my mam my sister and his brother 3 months before he died , i know cancer is going to see me off , but im looking forward to seeing them again because ive missed them so much, but i dont want to say good bye either,i will leave behind my lovely wife who has been the love of my life for years , and my kids whom i love soo much . theres so much he said but i cant write no more it just upsets me again , thank you for your time for reading this hope you are coping like me take care mark p
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