First Trip away

by Colleen
(South Africa)

I had my first trip away without Bruce. I went with a old school friend Duncan (who is like a brother to me), his wife and one of their other friends. I was really enjoying myself, I actually had my first real belly laugh it felt so good to laugh again. It almost felt alien as I have not laughed in over four months.

All this came to a crashing halt when we went to the pub to have a few drinks and watch the rugby. The next thing I knew this friend of theirs was all over me like a @#$%^ rash. He told me all I needed was a good #@$%&^. It made me realize that I am on my own and there is no one that has my back. All the hurt came rushing back. I am trying so hard to try and make a life without the love of my life. it is so hard and scary trying to get through the grief and at the same time to build a life on your own. Why do some people think it is ok to try and abuse you when you are at your most vulnerable? Needless to say the rest of the weekend was ruined. I could not get home quick enough.

Comments for First Trip away

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Mar 26, 2011
Good Lord!
by: Judy

Colleen,

I am so sorry you had to deal with that inconsiderate and stupid man. I wouldn't welcome an advance from a man who told me all I needed was a good !@#$%^ when I was young and single, much less in the vulnerable state of widowhood. I wonder if he's always this clumsy or if he was a little drunk that night. No excuse either way.

Don't let this guy ruin anything in the future for you. He was just an inconsiderate boob that you ran into, not the status quo in the world.

It took me a very long time to get to where I was comfortable with being alone with myself and I think I need that, and probably still need that, before I am ready to go into the treacherous world of dating or even considering a new companion.

Just concentrate on being comfortable with yourself and see what follows. You're doing great.

JM


Mar 25, 2011
stereotyping widows
by:

Colleen,

Do not let that Jerk ruin your tomorrows. He is one of the idiots that stereotype widows.
She hasn't had it in a while.... allow me type thing. How people can assume things about us as though we are some type of species is ridiculous.
Women don't want us near their husbands, we might steal them.

And where did the false term the Merry Widow come from? I don't feel that merry just trying to have a life with little bouts of joy instead of sorrow.

Keep your chin up girl not all people are trying to take advantage of us and our grief. But there are many who assume who and what we are and will prey upon our weakened state of mind. Keep doing your own thing, it is what will heal us eventually. Making us happy with ourselves so that we can let happiness into our lives once again.
HH

Mar 24, 2011
OMG ~ I feel so betrayed
by: Patti

Colleen~
My husband's very dear friend called me everyday for several weeks following his death. The calls were very comforting. We talked for hours about my husband and the fun we all had together back in the day....

All of a sudden the calls started focusing around him and his needs. I got an email from him several weeks ago that said, "Come over...we'll have a few drinks....I'll light a fire?
LITE A FU@*!!! FIRE? ARE YOU SERIOUS? This guy was hitting on me big time. I can't even begin to explain the stress this has caused me on top of my grieving. What a pig. He was my husband's friend for over 30 years. I'm only 4 months into this. How could he be so insensitive? Some would say....."typical man." I think this is terrible disrespectful as was the comment that was made to you. It only makes things worse. My son says I need to reach out to people. For the next few months I'll stay alone with my grief. I can't seem to handle people right now.
God bless you Colleen. Stay strong and embrace those that make you feel good about yourself. Forget the rest of the jerks.

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