Five Months Ago My World Crashed

by Carol , Seans mom
(Bellingham, mass)

Five months ago today I sat in the ICU unit at Rhode Island Hospital. I received a call the night before that my son did not wake up for his night shift. We had plans five months ago today to go to New England Tech for Sean to take tests to be placed in classes beginning January 12.Sean never woke up ,as so I am told and he was in a medical induced coma when I arrived. My screams and cries woke his 15 year old sister up and off we went. We didn't realize we were going to go threw the worst day of our lives. When they let me see Sean I went into shock. My beautiful boy,my hansome 24 year old son. What happened? Alot of questions could not be answered. A 24 year old ,they assumed drugs. We said he was on two prescriptions but we knew of nothing else. It took awhile for tests to come back and they found nothing else in him. Alot more questions. He was taken by a group of heart specialists to ICU unit in Rhode Island. By now he had suffered two heart attacks and the oxygen levels to his brain were comprismised. I knew what that meant. My brother in law had died 9 years earlier at 45 from a heart attack. They saved his heart but his brain was gone. I felt like I was living some one elses life. I still do. This would never happen to my oldest child. My only son. He was the older brother to two sisters. One was at college and I had to call her. We were in such shock. I now know that shock stayed with me I think until January. The holidays were brutal. We hate them now.My brother in law had died on Christmas 2002. Since then there have been so many deaths in my family. So much tragedy. But now this! Sean Patrick left us when they explained that his brain was gone and life support needed to be removed. He died immediately. I could not be in the room. I watched my dad die in 2006 and I just could not watch my hansome young man die. What if he struggled? I could not bear that. He did not. His 15 year old sister, his dad, my mom and my sister stayed with him. My 22 year old daughter and I stayed right outside the door and in no time we were called back in. All day we stayed with Sean telling him we loved him and how sorry we were he would not get the life he deserved. Why? Sean was a pretty quiet young man until you got to know him. He was sincere. I can't believe I will never see him again or talk to him. My life now is painful,sad and full of panic. I miss him so much. He was the apple of my eye. He told me I bragged to much about him. I lived to be a mom. Why??????????

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Apr 15, 2012
by: VJ

Carol, I am truly sorry for the loss of your son. There aren't even words that begin to express the pain that comes with losing a child. I lost my daughter two and a half yr's ago and my life will never be the same. You have suffered a great deal of loss it sounds like from what you have said. I have lost many loved ones myself over the last eight yr's or so. It has taken me a bit of time but now I am able to see light through the darkness. The dark clouds have parted and I am able to have some happiness again. It isn't easy and I have Many days that are still very difficult, but they aren't All that way. I have hope now. Never would have even imagined that two yr's ago-Never. I realized as hard as it was/is I had to move forward for my family. Especially my other daughter. That doesn't mean I have forgotten my daughter. I just know that I have to try and live the best life I can. I know that she wouldn't want me to suffer as I have. She is still with me, in spirit. I strongly believe our children are watching over us. Your pain is still so new. I am very sorry that your going through this. Keep coming to this site. There are people who care. I will keep you in my prayers. I pray that with time you will find some peace.

God bless you, VJ

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