Florene...77 Yrs Young... My Mama 😍 I miss you Every Day

by Cindy
(Orange, CA, USA)

I lost my Mama in May 2015 from small cell lung cancer. Its been devastating, the hardest time of my life! Her Dr. diagnosed her 7 months prior, with progressive kidney disease, after her blood test showed a high potassium level. Her Dr. Never ordered a chest x-ray which would have found her cancer in Nov! Her symptoms were chest & shoulder pain, dizziness, fatigue, stomach pain. Her Dr. ordered heart test and found nothing abnormal and did a stomach ultrasound which showed gallstones. Finally the Dr. ordered a CT scan because of her 14 lb. weight loss.
It showed a collapsed lung with a large mass and cancer in 4 other places. She died 4 weeks later and never received any treatment to save her life it was too late!!
She started having SEVERE PAIN and they didn't get it under control until 4 days before she died when we admitted her to the hospital!!! I have been so Angry, so Sad, so numb, so shocked!!! No one should have to suffer like my mom did it was totally unacceptable!!! I'm so happy I found this site. Thank you so much

Comments for Florene...77 Yrs Young... My Mama 😍 I miss you Every Day

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Nov 13, 2015
Florence 77yrs young... My Mama I miss you Every Day
by: Doreen UK

Cindy I am so sorry for your loss of your Mom to lung cancer. Especially when any misdiagnosis is important to arresting this disease and allowing the person to have a fighting chance to some recovery and allowing them more years with their family.
Cancer is a frightening disease because it is life limiting if not caught early. My husband had a slow growing tumour in his lung for 40yrs the time it takes for the cancer to develop into an incurable, inoperable terminal cancer. My husband cut asbestos as a carpenter in his 20's and the fibres cling to the lining of the lungs and it is then only time for this disease to develop. Wives who shake out their husband's clothes before they go into the wash have also died from lung cancer called MESOTHELIOMA. I had the test and it showed nothing. But who is to say that I won't develop this later on since it takes years after exposure for the disease to develop between 40 to 60yrs. I could develop this in the next 20yrs. I now have lung problems with asthma and I had pneumonia last year. I do have the symptoms you mention but doctors are overlooking symptoms all the time till it is too late. I nursed my husband for 3yrs.39days before he died 3 1/2 years ago from this dreadful disease. The suffering from this type of cancer is horrendous. I felt angry for a long time over the lack of care my husband didn't get and the clinical cold attitude of the Oncologist. My husband looked at him for reassurance and he shook his hand and sent him home to die. I can't imagine the emotional suffering he also went through which affected me and still does off and on still. It will take you longer to cope with your grief and anger. But you will start to feel less hurt and pain as you recover from grief. It takes time. One day at a time. Lung cancer many doctors attest to is the one cancer hard to detect till it is almost too late.
My husband had a CT scan 5yrs. earlier for Encephalitis and it didn't show up any shadows on the lung or even a hint of lung disease, till it was too late. I still hurt from my loss.

Nov 06, 2015
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Becky, thank you.....for your kind words.....You are correct in realizing that we don't totally understand it until we are hit in the face with this harsh and unwelcome reality........I am learning with strong support that we can't change the past it is what it is and as difficult as life is without them we must go on....... all the grieving I have done and continue to do for the loss of my parents and other very close relatives in a very short amount of time is not helping me.....I now often say to myself would they like me to be acting this way..............I have definitely become a much stronger person and know the only one who can change me is me.....and I must just trudge ahead each day and live my life the best way I can until hopefully if heaven does exist we will one day be all together again.....

Nov 01, 2015
Searching for meaning has helped me.
by: Rebecca D Knowles

Dear Anonymous,

Before my folks passed, I was sincerely empathetic with co-workers who had a loved one pass. After experiencing it myself, though, I realized that I had had NO idea of the total upheaval and heart-ripping that could occur. This site was my first view into the real world of grief. I found it because I wanted to recover.

The movie "Down the Rabbit Hole" and others about tragic deaths showed me a range of responses one may have to grief. I chose recovery for my dogs's sake and that of my sweetheart.

Being a scientist, by nature and by training, I wanted to understand things. So I suppose one could say I've been on a spiritual quest. It's been mentally distracting and mind-expanding. Through it all, I've been searching for beliefs that would enable me to be OK with the new reality. And I found them!

Again, no one knows FOR SURE what becomes of loved ones passed. And there is a LOT of sound evidence that they don't just die out. But rather that their spirits continue on AND may "stay in touch" with us.

If you talk to your mom, perhaps she'll respond. It's NOT the same as a dearly loved phone chat, but it's WAY better than having "lost" her completely.

Best wishes for peace and happiness in your new life,

Oct 30, 2015
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you so much for understanding..........Excepting that life has forever changed I think is the biggest battle.....This is all brutal but we can't change the past as much as we want to........For me I have had sooooooo many negative changes in the last few years all because of deaths. Thank God that my medications for anxiety and depression have been finally adjusted so that I can almost feel normal or as normal as I guess it will get. I work and have always worked full time in a very stressful job but keeping busy is the best for me.....down time seems to be my enemy as that is when I start thinking way tooooo much. You really just have to take it one second, minute, hour day at a time. This website has helped me sooooooooooo much in realizing that other people are also suffering/recovering like me. It has made me feel much less alone in my grief. People in my life especially my co workers have no idea about how difficult my life has been and I think that has been best......It is only my very close and understanding friends and family that know the real truth. Many people including friends and family I have had to distance myself from because they just didn't get it and they were causing me more stress. They wanted the old me back or wanted me to just get over it.......I was to tired of explaining myself. First of all the old me is gone and may never return, and know I don't can't just get over it.....so in order to survive I have had to distance myself from them. Unless you walk in someone else's shoes you have no idea . I have learned never to judge because we have no idea when that person could be us.

Oct 20, 2015
Same with me, but coming back to life.
by: Rebecca D Knowles

Dear daughter of Florene and Anonymous, who feels your pain,

Me too. Similar story, same life-changing impact, but now with 3 yrs and 3 months under my belt.

I agree, take things a second at a time. I turned to learning all I could about what may have become of my incredibly special folks. (Dad passed three days before my 60th birthday, Mom three days after, in 2012.) My only question was whether we could still somehow be involved with each other's existence. I eventually had an epiphany: Since no one knows FOR SURE what becomes of those who pass, I'm going to CHOOSE to believe what makes sense to me. And that is "yes". If the spirits of those passed want to and are able to interact with those of us in physical form, they can. And vice versa. This belief has given me GREAT comfort. I simply could not bear to believe that I have lost my mom and dad.

The other thing that is saving me is that it seems I'm becoming used to the FACT that Mom and Dad are not physically available to me. This fact is no longer shocking (usually).

What I still struggle with, and which is why I've come back to this site today, is the sadness. I still don't know what to do when nostalgic events or other things bring on this crippling sadness.

I'm so very sorry for each of you and the recent passing of your mothers. This site is wonderful. I hope you each find comfort through it.


Sep 06, 2015
I understand
by: Anonymous

I so understand your pain. I lost my beautiful precious mother April 7, 2011. She died 11 days after being diagnosed with ovarian cancer that had spread throughout her entire body. She was misdiagnosed for two years. I relive her illness and death each and every day. The horrible pain she was in I would not wish on any human being. I was so helpless, I would have traded places with her in an instant. Yes, they tried to control the pain which she tried to hide from me for those 11 days but nothing seemed to help...............My life has been entirely altered in so many ways with her death and loss. Being an only child and unmarried and having also lost my father in 2002 has left such a void very few people can understand. She was just 73. Loosing my father was so devastating a loss my mother could not bare but still having her made it bearable for me but having lost her has been just too much. Try to take it one second at a time.......

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