Florida Sunshine

by Pat Foster

It's 5 & 1/2 months since my son died. The weather is warm & the sun shines bright, but all I see is gloom. I used to love being outside soaking up the sun but not anymore. I see no brightness since my son left this earth. I have no interest in anything anymore. My neighbor wanted to know when we were going to mow our lawn, I didn't even notice it had grown so high.

I finally cleaned the pool so the grandkids could use it, if it wasn't for them the pool would be green. I'm tired, I'm sad, I'm angry & I miss my son. I would give anything to see him just one more time. That's not true because one more time wouldn't be enough. I hate this life, I hate the new me.

Comments for Florida Sunshine

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Aug 31, 2011
memories will bring you through
by: liz

it has been 4years and two months since my brother died.i miss him every day. i dont think the pain will ever go away of losing him. you feel bad Pat well someday you will laugh again do you think wes would want to see you the way you are? my brother was born happy he was a great kid and he grew into a great man. hi ssmile would light up a room and he laughed even when things were not going well.
emily bronte wrote a poem and i think it echoes how i feel it goes like this yes thou art gone and never more will i see your lovely face smiling back at me
but for all the pain and sorrow of losing you i would never wish you had never been. hold on to those memories Pat you will laugh you will cry but they will bring you through your darkest times. get out walk in his footsteps walk where he walked see what he saw and always remember whatever the future holds you were and still are wes s mam.

Apr 03, 2011
It'll get better
by: W.E. "Bill" Smith

I'm a new poster to this blog but I lost my son, Wes, February of 2005. And yes, I was angry, confused, living in a fog, couldn't focus, even the music I used to listen to didn't seem right. It won't ever be "okay", but it will get easier.

It's alright to grieve. Don't let anyone say, "Shouldn't you be over this by now?" No! Take as long as you need. The length of your grief is a measure of the depth of your love.

Picture yourself standing knee deep in the ocean facing the shore. All of a sudden, this unexpected wave of grief hits you square in the back, knocking you face down in the ocean; underwater, cloudy, can't see, can't breathe, don't know if you can live through it. After a while, you find the bottom, push yourself back to a standing position and take deep breaths. Resume your stance. You know they'll be other waves. Some will be as severe. Others, not so much. But each one prepares you for the next. And, in time, lots of time, it gets easier to regain your footing because you know what to expect.

It's been six years for us and one of those tsunami's catches me every once in a while. I just trust that God is taking care of Wes and that Wes is watching and waiting until we're all reunited.

All my best.....

Mar 10, 2011
Ain't No Sunshine
by: Terri

I understand your pain. My 19 year old daughter died on May 13, 2010, 2 months short of her 20th birthday. My world is not the same. I carry on because I have another daughter and she needs me. If it weren't for her I might have just curled up in a dark corner and stayed there. I try and do the best I can, but inside there is a whole so wide I feel the wind pass through me. A bit dramatic but do not have any other way of describing how it feels. Lately, I have moments that I feel somewhat ok and they keep getting a bit closer. I still have along way to go. I don't think I will ever be "over" the loss of her.

Mar 09, 2011
Ditto, HH
by: Anonymous

Dear Pat and Shirley,

I couldn't have said it better than HH did. Sometimes there are invisible corners which I believe to be a God thing. He is coaching our progress. It is hard to see the sunshine and I didn't for many months, but gradually, there were bits of promise. I still ache deep in my heart, but I now know that I can trust in the One who made my son to restore him to me. Why does it happen? I know we live on a sinful planet and we are born into it; it's not our choice. But God creates us with freedom to choose good or evil all our lives. These are hard truths. Someday we can ask God, who will explain it all. Meanwhile, we have His Word and each other. If you are interested in my book about suicide, go to google book search and submit "Shattered By Suicide" and you can read a few pages. Blessings

Mar 09, 2011
I am so sorry
by: Rebecca

I am so very sorry. I agree with you, it's only been 1 month and 2 weeks since my brother passed and you are right, this world is not the same. Facing another day is hard and every day I don't want to wake up. our lives will never be the same and the world around us is now a different color. I am very sorry.

Mar 09, 2011
I so understand how you feel
by: julia. wales gt. britain

Hi, I read your blog, and thought...My God thats exactly how I feel..my son aged 22, died xmas day 2010,.and my life is never ever going to be the same again, i went into a deep depression, and in some ways am still there, but i am picking myself up for my other boys and grankids...I have too.. but I rest assured that when its my time to go my son will come for me and take me to a better place, so until that time comes, I have a job to do here. My love and best wishes go out to you and your family, godbless you all xIODINE

Mar 08, 2011
greifs darkness


Don't give up on the possibility of a different type of happiness. I know that things look and feel bad for you right now. I did not care for myself a few months ago either, grief had made me a completely different person. But a few weeks ago it felt as if I had rounded some invisible corner. I only feel a portion of my former self but not the mousey jittery don't give a crap person that grief had spiraled me towards. I would not say that I am happy nor content and do not know if that feeling will ever return. I/We have lost the center of our universe and coping with that is so unbearably hard. The death of my husband has changed me. I am not better because of it but do view things completely different. I do not waste time on things that in the end do not amount to a hill of beans as they say. So I do hope that you find peace within someday. Until then try to live your life as best you can. Grief takes you where it wants to go. We can not control that aspect of our life. Try to treat yourself well and take care of yourself though.

Mar 08, 2011
I'm right there with you
by: Shirley

Seven months tomorrow since I lost my sweet son. I hate life right now. His death affected so many people. His two brothers and two sisters are deep in grief. His dad barely copes.....why? Why did this happen? What kind of God takes our kids from us? I know I'll never understand and that I'll have to live with this level of depression for the rest of my life.

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