I met the love of my life in April of 2006 he was wonderful and everything i could have asked for and more.... We to be married the summer or 2007 but he passed away on Christmas eve of 2007 it's been 3 years since his death and i just can't seem to come to a peaceful place with this? My life has changed so much more then i thought it would i miss him and feel like i have no closer his family took his ashes to califorina i wasn't able to to the mermorial service. I feel my heart brake everyday and i'm struggling.
I too am having a weak moment and mentally flog myself for back stepping grief. I thought that I had come so far and I am ashamed to admit that I still struggle. I had a unexpected melt-down on the 6th of Oct. Thought permeated my mind of Halloween Parties past, how gleeful he would be planning the festivities starting in July working on the theme. I guess everyone has a trigger point that drags them back into grief. Halloween and of course Christmas is mine. ( He died Dec 6th 2009 right before Christmas)
I had another meltdown today at work and began to feel the tears burning, running down my face and called my sister to pull me out of it. I prayed to be pulled out of this funk, to feel some type of normalcy, to feel the smile that has crossed my face and the general joy for living that feels so good after a year plus of sorrow. I guess I know there is no actual finish line...We just need to adjust to grief as best as we can. Grief and heartache needs to be part of our past, How to put it there for good? I am unsure But I do know that instead of one step forward two steps back...You can walk many days and weeks, perhaps even months with happiness, And when grief tried to gain access to your heart all you can do is breath in and breath out and know that better days are ahead.
When those better days finally show up embrace them with all of your heart as you did the Love that you/we all once had and Love will find away if not for another person Love of your fellow man and life, Just knowing that we have survived grief and are surviving grief day by day still.
My best to you in this grief ride of emotions... HH
