For all of us who regret our past, for my mom and for myself.

It's been less than a month since my brave sweet mother lost her battle to brain cancer. Me being 19 years old and my brother being 20 were left alone with our father. Many of us here probably regret the way we treated our moms. My mother, for example, was the type of person who didn't have any hobbies or anything "her own". She gave all of her energy to her job and to the house and family. I cannot begin to express my despair as I wash the dishes thinking that maybe if I had helped her more she might have been alive and healthy now. If I had spent more time with her so she wouldn't feel so lonely. And that's not for "oh don't blame yourself, it's not your fault" stuff because it is all true. Never the less, it's way too late now to change what has already happened.
Most of the time when any of the three of us had an argument, she would be the one to take the heat and solve the problem. There are so many chores around the house I never even thought about that now I was forced to discover and attend.
For my sweet brave mother, the most positive little soldier I ever knew, there's nothing else to do to repay my gratitude but to take her place and do what she cannot anymore. So I promise here and at her grave that I will put the family needs and problems before my own, that I'll be strong and shoulder the grief of my brother and father as much as I can, as that is exactly what she would do and what she had been doing all along.

To my sweet angel, my brave soldier, my masked hero who helps from the shadows, thank you for everything and may you rest in peace!
Until we meet again.

Comments for For all of us who regret our past, for my mom and for myself.

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Oct 02, 2012
For all of us who regret our past, for my mom and for myself
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your mom to cancer. I lost my husband 5 months ago to lung cancer. It is a very difficult place to be right now.
There is not one person on earth who doesn't live with regret for some things in their past. It is part of our human nature to fail and not be perfect. But I do hear what you are saying. My mother trained us all up as children to do our chores (just like in the Waltons). It came easy to us when we became Adults and married. I have children now who are Adults and they are the opposite. DO VERY LITTLE TYPE. I think this is because there are more demands on the children of today. School children have more demands for homework and school projects. Moms understand this and wouldn't make unreasonable demands on her children. There also has to be boundaries about what is acceptable. In Asian countries children work all day and miss out on education. These children are exploited in the workplace. I believe that Children should be allowed to be children. Whilst doing some chores. This must be in balance. As a teenager I had too much to do. running a home, looking after my baby brother, doing the food shopping, and getting an education and homework. I was exhausted. I didn't complain. But I suffered emotionally. I did the same thing to my daughter thinking this was the right thing to do. She suffered also. I am saying this so that you can make an informed CHOICE. Whilst it is admirable to take on your mom's role and look after your Father and brother. You need to keep balanced here and not carry the load for everyone otherwise you will suffer later in life. You will have a break down. Mom's can cope with the load. They know what they are taking on. It only becomes difficult when a Mom works outside the home. Then she needs to delegate responsibilitie to everyone. Everyone has to pull their weight. I hope this helps you in your grief and that you also will be well supported and comforted in your grief.

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