For Doreen

Dear Doreen

You have responded to all of us and have supported us in our heartache and loss.

Thank you, from deep in my heart.

Now you are approaching your own 'one year' milestone...

With this on your horizon, I have to say to you that I have discovered that yesterday, today, tomorrow are all the same. Don't feel you have to leap forward. People will tell you it makes a difference/ that the first year is the hardest with all the birthdays/ significant moments/ anniversaries.

For me, there has been no change; year two still has all the birthdays/ significant moments/ anniversaries.

HUGE HUG from me to you.

Much love, Alassia X

Comments for For Doreen

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Jun 12, 2013
for all of us here
by: silver

I just re-read the post I made here.I was going through some of the posts on this site.I didn't mean that counseling isn't great for some.I have had plenty in my life concerning the abuse I received at the hands of my ex-husband and his father.I learned a lot about myself and the ways I reacted.It also helped me gain back some of my self-esteem. What I meant about the site helping me more is:I began to get counseling for my depressive grief and they put me in a group therapy set.There were 10 people there and none of them was there for grief.I felt I didn't need to be in a group of people that had nothing in common with me.They also raised the prices(county mental health office)and I couldn't afford to go anymore.I still think that if the depression is great or debilitating it should be helped professionally.Luckily,I found this site just by looking up grief sites.It has been my lifeline and still is.Grief doesn't go away.It does seem to be getting easier to handle most of the time.I know there will still be bad days and always will.For example,I miss my mom who died on June 30,2010 and this year I cried on Mother's Day.Last yr I just felt depressed.Like someone here said,there will always be anniversaries,birthdays and special events that will trigger strong emotions.We will still cry off and on.We will still get depressed occasionally.We will want to quit on occasion.The difference is we still try each day and we still go on.We will always love those who have left us but we believe that we will see them again one day and that they are finally at peace with no pain.That is a balm you can't buy anywhere.The wonderful memories we have of them are what help.When we remember and talk about them we keep them alive in our hearts and in the hearts or others who loved them also.I send my prayers to all of you who are grieving.May GOD continue to send you strength and peace.

May 13, 2013
for Doreen
by: silver

I agree with the others.When I first got on this site almost 2 yrs ago you were so kind to me.This site has helped me more than any mental health ctr or medications.Just to be able to talk to others that know where i've been and are going.I can't believe it's been 2 yrs this month since my love died.It's been 3 yrs in June for my mother,4 yrs in Dec for my dad and 12 yrs in Nov since my baby sister died.My dad,mom,best friend of 28 yrs and my husband died within 17 months of each other.I never thought I could take it for a yr let alone more.It just goes to show that talking about your grief and feelings to others helps.I still write poetry and that helps also.It is still hard at times and I still cry at times but it is getting a little easier.I continue to pray for all of us that grieve over our loved ones.GOD grant you all peace and strength to keep going.

May 05, 2013
For Doreen
by: Kate

Today is May 5th and reading so many things you have written I know this is a hard day. You have somehow with strength from God come thus far.Thank you for all the many posts in which you have reached out to others,including myself Doreen.Continue to take one day at a time.God bless you.R

May 04, 2013
by: Steffy

Thank you for reaching out to so many people,
we are dealing with so much pain and you are there holding our hands,

thank you so much,
I wish I could give you a hug.

thank you for everything.

May 02, 2013
Pat thank you for your thoughfulness
by: Doreen U.K.

Hi Pat Thank you for your thoughts and post to me. You are most welcome for any support. I wanted to be a counsellor but didn't train. I have a good insight into this area but as a client. I learnt much and can see the areas that this young man Raymond is struggling with. I have written him 2 long posts and tried to break it down into simple terms so he can understand. Because I fear Raymond may be suicidal. He is displaying bizarre thinking and needs urgent help which I hope he takes on board. Death can trigger off emotions of unresolved conflicts and send a person into a tailspin. Raymond wrote here because he is a very desperate person. His thinking is all jumbled up and he can't sort it out. It would only make sense to a counsellor. I have had to spell out what is going on so that he can see clearly he needs urgent help. He is on the edge as if he is destroyed by the death of his mother. This is such a sad case of when nurturing has gone wrong for him. He is trapped in his world and his mothers. Like you I feel so concerned and had to respond as a Healed Client and you as a professional.
I am sorry for your loss of your brother. I will be thinking of you on May 11th. Yes it is true that we can't go back. Thoughts will intrude but we have to go forward and try to resolve what we can and heal from our grief. None of us knows what life will give us. But we can only move forward with a healthy mind set that our loved one's are out of their suffering. If you ever want to write further my email is I wish you all the best in life and in health and on May 11th. God Bless

May 01, 2013
For Doreen,
by: Pat

Hi Doreen, I just tried to send you a post and lost it so I am trying again. I want to thank you for supporting my comments to Raymond, the guy who recently lost his mother and seems to think her dying, without waiting for him to get there, was some kind of punishment.

I just wrote Raymond another post. I think his relationship with his mother was very dysfunctional. I did not say that to him, but I strongly encouraged him to see a doctor or counselor soon. I have training as a counselor, myself, and I can tell that his reactions are very abnormal. I think you see that too. I hope you will encourage him, again, to seek help. I am concerned about him. His thought patterns about his mother are far too obsessive.

If I remember correctly, you are about to reach another anniversary of your husband's death. I know it will not be easy. I don't care how long it has been, these anniversaries are tough. I am facing my brother's anniversary on May 11. It will be 2 years since he passed at the young age of 60. This year, I hope to celebrate his life, rather than dwelling on my loss. He had some undiagnosed problem in his nervous system that leg to both of his legs being amputated. That did not solve the problem. He was in terrible pain for many years and died of a sudden heart attack on May 11, 2011. I miss him terribly, but I am sooo glad he is no longer in pain. He is finally at peace.

I wish you well and thank you for caring about so many others on this site. God Bless. Pat

Apr 27, 2013
For Doreen
by: Lawrence

To Doreen,
I can only thank you for all the help and sympathy you have given everybody on this web site, our grieving has become that little bit easier reading your thoughtful words and you find time even though your heart must be aching for your beloved husband
My own grief seems unending ever since I kissed by beloved wife on her deathbed, closed her eyes and thanked her for the wonderful seventy years we had together as sweethearts, until now four months later I still feel totally bereft and don’t really want to face the rest of my life without her but I know I must for my daughters and grandchildren’s sake.
Keep writing, we all need you.

Apr 26, 2013
by: Sonja

I'm with the others here who are appreciative of your caring and reaching out. Thank you so much. I will keep you in prayer and wish you renewed spirit and joy.

Apr 15, 2013
by: Allison - Canada

Hi Doreen - I have been so impressed with your continued devotion to this site. You have commented on many of my posts and you have given me different outlooks on my particular moods. For that I thank you. This new way of life doesn't seem to get easier, but the support here with people like you sure does help. You are coming on one year without your special love - it is a hard "anniversary " to face, but it can be a positive landmark in many ways. You actually survived the unimaginable and continue to celebrate his life through your comments on this site, and your daily life. Sometimes "just being" is a celebration of this new way of life in itself. Take good care of yourself and I look forward to reading more posts from you. You are a special person. All my good thoughts are with you.

Apr 14, 2013
For Alassia & June THANK YOU!!!
by: Doreen U.K.

THANK YOU!!!! Alassia and June. for your post and lovely comments deeply appreciated.
It is my pleasure to serve You all in the best way I can from my own life experiences. My aim is to ENCOURAGE YOU ALL. And support you as much as I can.
When I look back I can't believe it is almost 1yr. that I lost my precious Steve. I have been busy, so much going on in the house repairs, that has consumed my time. BUT. I am feeling my grief more now. Reading more posts brings tears to my eyes in support of others that triggers off my own emotions so this may be a good thing. But I am also aware of you both June, Alassia, being equally supportive in your comments that is also very uplifting to me and others on this site which never goes unnoticed. So I equally THANK YOU! both for your thoughtful and caring post to me here which is deeply appreciated and will be remembered forever. Bless You Both and may God wrap His Loving arms around you both and Heal you from your grief and Loss. Hugs and kisses to you both from My Heart.

Apr 14, 2013
for Doreen
by: Judith in California

Doreen, your huband was fortunate to have such a caring wife at his side. The one year mark does not change a thing we go through. I've found I miss my husband more too. I do go on each day and make the best of it . That's our only good choice until we meet with them in heaven.

God be with you and bess you.

Apr 14, 2013
by: June

I agree with Alassia, you have such important comments for all of us. You are a very compassionate and caring person. I think of you as you are coming up to the one year anniversary of the loss of your husband.
As you know it is so very hard to continue on. I miss Mike more now but also have the hope to be Together Again. So I, like you, just take one day at a time, look for the good in the world and help others in need.
Lots of hugs to everyone who is going through this awful time in their lives.

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