For the love of my life My soul mate Wayne Beal 1969-2015

by Veronica Dorau
(Waunakee, Wisconsin, USA)

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush.
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

My best friend whom I feel was my soul mate passed away 19 days ago from cancer. He taught me what true love was. We shared so many dreams , laughs and tears. We could talk for hours and it seamed like minutes. He was my everything.
We spent many nights in the hospital together holding hands as we slept. In the end I hardly left his side.His last words to me were Goodnight I love you. I feel blessed in so many ways to have been loved by such a awesome man.
He was transported home by ambulance to die by his wishes. When he arrived home... I did some house work got all his medicine in order. I was very relieved he was home. I laid down to take a nap with him.I put my hand over his heart to tell him that I loved him, he was home and I was going to take a nap with him.
I woke up to find that he had passed away. Panic and loneliness hit me, my true love was gone. I felt honored and blessed to have been loved so much in so many ways and to have him be by my side as he took his last breath.
The day after he passed my angel globe started chiming. He was communicating with me. I know he is no longer suffering and I know he is in a better place.
We made plans in our next life to be together.
I know I will always love him and when my time is done here. I will join him again.

I love you because of all the things you are and because of all that I am when I am with you...
I love you because you have shown me in a hundred beautiful ways what love means...

Wayne, I will always love you!

Comments for For the love of my life My soul mate Wayne Beal 1969-2015

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Jul 09, 2015
I lost someone (another widow)I met on this site
by: Elisa

Jen and I met (never in person) but through this site because we both wrote about losing our husbands to pancreatic cancer. We hit it off from the beginning, and now this past May, 2015 just before Mother's Day, my best friend who understood me the most about my grief, suddenly passed away. I miss Jen so much; though we were friends through writing and sometimes calling each other--we were oceans apart-she in Australia, me in NY---I can't get over the fact she is gone. I miss writing to her and getting her emails. We wrote to each other (despite the 14 hours in time difference) at least 5 or 6 times a day. When we spent holidays home instead of wanting to go be with family, we got each other through those lonely holidays that were just wonderful memories of us with our beloved, wonderful husbands. Jen and I mourned and went through complicated grief together. We sent endearing trinkets to each other that were a million times better than the most expensive gifts you can get because they had meaning from the heart. I hope she is with her husband, Ken, whom she missed so much, as I miss my husband, Hugo. I related to her and she to me.
I hope she is happy again with Ken. I can't wait to join them and my wonderful, kind, husband whom I miss every second, and I don't know how to go on.
Time is not healing my broken-into-a-zillion pieces. I hope, somehow, Jen is reading this from Heaven. I want her to meet my husband and tell him how much I miss him, love him, and can't seem to believe he is dead. God bless this site for letting me meet Jen, but now she is gone too.
Jen was my angel, and I hope she watches over me, along with my Hugo. I am terrified of each tomorrow without him. Elisa

Apr 23, 2015
Sorry for your loss, My husband was the samea age
by: Valerie

Hi Veronica,

I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband, Mike passed away from a heart attack on January 31st of this year. He was 45 years old, I'm 49 years old.

The toughest part about this is, he had two valves replaced in his heart and had recovered from this and was in the hospital ICU, then eventually in the normal part of the hospital. He then went to rehab, he was due home in 5 weeks. He had to go to rehab because he had two minor strokes sometime during his stay at the hospital so he needed to learn to walk again.

One night on 1/29, he was rushed back to the hospital because he was confused. His kidneys had shut down and the heart medication he was on is toxic if the kidneys shut down.

To make a very long story short, it has been an emotional rollercoaster of emotions, we thought he would die, then he made it, we thought he would die of something else or some procedure and then he would make it. And, then, in the end his kidneys failed. I was at the ICU when his heart jumped from 90 to 125, back to 90 to 165, then the monitor turned red and said, "222", then O. A team came in a shocked my husband's heart.
As I was standing there in shock, it didn't seem real. There lies my best friend, my soulmate and I can do nothing but watch and pray.
The doctor, finally said, I'm sorry for your loss, he has been without air for too long.

I was beyond devastated. I'm so lost without him.
Does any out there still cry ever day? It's been 2 1/2 months and I think I had one day that I did not cry.

Any way, enough about me, Veronica. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your loss. You two look like you were so in Love. And, I love you poems.
Take care and write me back some time.

Apr 17, 2015
For the love of my life My soul mate Wayne Beal 1969-2015
by: Doreen UK

Veronica it is important to do what you are doing by keeping occupied with something to do. BUT. Don't become so busy that you block out your grief so as to feel less pain. Grief not felt will be stored up for later and feel that much worse. When you cry and cry this is good grief and is where healing comes from.
If you find yourself struggling it may help you to talk out your feelings in a grief group or with a counselor. It is important to talk about what those days were like during the illness and after.
I had a horrendous Cancer journey for 3yrs.39days nursing my husband. Due to our lack of funding my husband did not have good pain management and so he died in a lot of pain. This is the worst aspect of grief for me and not being care managed better. My husband felt abandoned and this hurts me to know how he felt before he died. But having given him the best care a wife can give it made up for the lack of care in the medical arena. He is at peace now and it for us who are left to find our own peace. It is important to NURTURE yourself with all good things you can do for yourself to build up yourself and self esteem. You will Heal and be able to reclaim your life. It is not what we wanted, but we do manage to find our way back into life. But it is a slow and painful journey for a long time. Just knowing that you will feel better somehow helps. Because that loss is so very painful that we think we will feel this awful for the rest of our lives. Healing is slow but thank God we do Heal otherwise that pain would kill us. Feel free to write back as often as you need to for continuing support. God go with you and Comfort you in your days ahead.

Apr 14, 2015
I wept...
by: Rick

I wept reading your stories. My dear Sandie died from cancer 6 months ago. It was truly awful, but I know she is in Heaven, and I hope to join her one day.

Although it never goes away, the pain and sadness move me to tears less these days. The worst part is the loneliness, and the memory of how awesome she was. Especially at night, I long for a word, a touch, a smile from my true love. I know I will have to move on, but sometimes you just don't feel like it, you know?

My friends and family don't want to talk about it, or her, so I turn to group meetings and blogs and books- anything to make me feel less alone in grief.

Thanks for sharing. It was good to cry again.....

God bless.


Mar 15, 2015
True Love
by: Veronica

True love comes only once in a lifetime
yet it lasts an eternity
It has the power to crush someone so deeply
while at the same time they know
there’s no one else in the world they’d rather be with.
True love will knock down the walls of difficulty
to be with that special one
It will take your hand and fly over the world
into a place where there’s no pain and no tears.
True love will withstand the test of time,
forever waiting until its love is returned
It never fails, never dies, never lets go of the one they love.

Mar 15, 2015
insecurity while your loved one is dieing
by: Veronica


Thank You so much for expressing your feelings.

Wayne and I went to the hospital 14 months ago thinking that he had kidney stones to find out within 2 hrs that he had cancer. My life Crumbled and became very insecure and unstable. As he fought from the beginning to his last breath.
Without a doubt it was and will always be one of my hardest challenges in life. I can't put into words the pain and feelings that we felt going through day by day as Wayne was dieing.

Now without him the huge void I feel in my heart doesn't seem to fade, I'm only learning to live with it. I find myself trying to stay busy in a constructive and creative manner.
I do know that without a doubt he was the love of my life. I can't express our true connection for each other, only that it was very unconditional and beautiful.
He is communicating with me often in various different ways. He is assuring me that he is ok and in a better place. I also know that he truly loved me.
I do realize that I will someday be joining him again. That is what is helping me cope with being without him.
God Bless you
I wish you the best

Mar 15, 2015
Joining my soul mate again
by: Veronica

I have and always will be close to God.
I also know that someday I will join Wayne again.
Thank You for your support.
Live, Love and Enjoy life

Mar 15, 2015
For the love of my life My soul mate Wayne Beal 1969-2015
by: Doreen UK

Veronica I am so sorry for your loss of Wayne to this dreadful disease cancer. WE all fear and dread the news of hearing that we have cancer. I never thought I would hear these words against my beloved husband of 44yrs. "You have a rare and serious, inoperable, incurable, aggressive cancer. My world crashed and I screamed in horror as my husband sat pensive not able to process the thought that he was going to die of one of the worst cancers ever which takes 40yrs to develop from the first exposure to asbestos dust when you are handed a life sentence which you can never recover from. No miracle cure. A death sentence on the whole family. My husband suffered for 3yrs. 39days with MESOTHELIOMA and he died 2yrs.10months ago. It has been the worst journey of my life. The first 6 months being the worst when so much pain courses through your body you can do nothing to quell this uncrushable pain. I could do nothing for 6 months but slowly nurture myself back into life. This is a loss that will be with us widows forever. We just live with less raw pain. Your husband was the same age as my son, and I feel the fragility of knowing that we are all vulnerable to this disease and our lives can be claimed at any time. The best way forward is ONE DAY AT A TIME. WE just learn in time to go on and make the best out of our lives. Loneliness being the worst emotional pain to live with. The whole atmosphere of life changes and this is the hard task of living in a shattered world where life will never be the same again. Nothing and no one can ever make up for this loss or fill the gap our loved one filled. It is living with HOPE of seeing our loved one's again that is going to help us go on each day. My heart goes out to you and all those facing the death of a loved one today and struggling with grief. I thought I would never recover. I thought I would never feel normal again. But it is taking one day at a time that we will soon feel recovery and stablility in our life. You will soon find your way back and restructure your life and adapt to the new challenges we all have to now endure. Embrace life with a new FOCUS and you will survive what is the worst experience of anyone's life.

Mar 09, 2015
Your soul mate
by: Marie

Yes you will see him again. Love does not die it continues, I am sure of that. God watch over you as you complete the journey of life. Try to be happy as I know he would not want you to cry. Our days are short here. Make the best of them. Don't forget to put God in your life. My Best to you.

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