For: Trish J

by Vickie

Trish, Thank you, for the comment you left on my story-Letting go. Please don't beat yourself up. I felt very much the same
way you do that first year. My daughter had only been gone a couple mo's before Thanksgiving and Xmas. I believe losing someone that close to the holidays makes the loss even harder. I am not saying that it is not any less painful losing a loved one at any other time, but the holidays are packed with emotions and expectations. That's why unfortunately the suicide rate is highest then and hospital ER rooms are overflowing. The first year is like your trying to just come to terms with what has happened and trying to understand what has happened to you. I muddled through the first yr. but I was very angry. My fiances family had come for xmas and they wanted to stay at our house. We have a guest room and plenty of space and no kids. Steve, my fiance has a sister that lives very close to us with a large home and space also. His parents didn't want to stay because she isn't the best housekeeper and she has two teenage boys. I was NOT up to cleaning my house and hosting them all for the holidays. I honestly never thought they would even put me in such a position. I had expressed to my fiance that I was not thrilled about them coming. He asked if they could just spend part of it here and the rest at his sisters. I agreed to it. I painted on a smile and the whole time wanted to just die. I couldn't wait till they were gone. I was never asked how I was doing, or anything about my daughter. These are educated people. I am not sure what they were thinking-I don't think they were. Looking back- I should have told them I am Not up to this and you need to try and understand I just lost my child. I know now, ONLY you/ourselves can decide when the time is right to move on. Just remember this-it was 'your love' and it 'your grief'. People that make comments about how 'we' should be feeling better, or doing more, obviously have no comprehension of the depth of our loss, or they would Never make such comments. I believe you are feeling what All of us have. Give yourself time. It took me nearly two years before I even started to feel better. There can be brighter days ahead but you have to let your heart and soul take you there when the time is right. In the meantime don't be so hard on yourself. I will keep you in my prayers. Vickie

Comments for For: Trish J

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Nov 26, 2011
Thank You For Some Hope
by: TrishJ

Thank you Vickie. When I thought about losing your daughter I couldn't even begin to wrap my brain around that. Losing my husband is the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me. Losing my daughter?? are stronger than you know.
I'm going through the "not understanding" with several of my relatives. Like you said, they are all educated people but can't see the forest for the trees. When it happens to them (and it will eventually) I'll be there for them and be completely understanding since I will know what they are going through.
I'm glad to know that what I'm feeling is normal. It's OK. I can't let go of 37 years in 12 months. I was 19 when I met my husband. He is all I know of this life.
I will try to get through the one year anniversary knowing that it will probably be a horrific day but there is hope that things will get better.
Thanks again. Have a wonderful day and next time tell those relatives to stay at a nearby hotel.

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