Forever in my heart

by Janene

My dad passed away on the 30.05.2012.
He was very much loved by me.
Right to the end, he was worried about his family.
He was an honourable man. I wish more than ever that he was still here.
My mother passed away 12years ago and my eldest brother passed away last year. He left behind a beautiful daughter, who i now look after. I promised i would and i keep my promises.
I now how my eldest sister and a younger brother left from my family.
my heart is breaking and i feel lost and alone without him.
He was not well and i feel selfish and guilty at the same time
I wanted him to stay and for that i feel selfish for wanting that and guilty that i prayed that he would pass away. He was in pain and i wanted him to pass away in his sleep, so he would feel no more pain. I always felt that i was his favourite and sometimes he would drive me crazy with his constant phone calls and now i long for to hear his voice again and to see his face light up when i went to visit.
He would always end a conversation by saying "i love you" and my voice would catch in my throat, frightened that it would be the last time i would hear it - i would always kiss and hug him and say i love you too dad - sometimes i would get angry and leave without saying it, because he would get me cranky for saying something that hurt my feelings, and i would cry at home for being such an ungrateful and awful daughter. BUT he never stopped loving me and I would always ring him ring him to make sure he knew i loved him more than anything in this world. Please God - take care of my family. so that one day i may be with them again.
there hasn't been a day that i haven't cried since he has passed - i cry in the shower and i cry in the car and i cry when i think of him and i cry when i talk about him ......
i am single because there will never be anyone as good as my father - who loved and took care of his family -
gone for now but never forgotten ----- all my love your daughter

Comments for Forever in my heart

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Jul 08, 2012
Forever in My heart
by: Anonymous

Hi Janene,

My wonderful dad, Joe, died very suddenly of a heart attack on 7 My 2012. We were so close and I cannot think about life without him. I spend so much time crying and cannot even play music in my car without thinking of our wonderful memories and wanting him back. I sometimes find it hard to believe he died. I really understand your pain and wish you well for the future. Take Care Mandy, Gateshead X

Jun 25, 2012
Forever in my heart
by: Doreen England U.K.

Hi Janene
I am sorry for the loss of your father. and your siblings. It will be difficult for you grieving so many losses in your family.
You are not selfish in a negative way for wanting your father to stay here on earth and live. It is natural and normal a response. You also should not feel guilty at all for wanting your dad to die. You wanted him to be free of his pain and suffering. This was a very unselfish thing to say because it meant you had to lose him for his benefit, by giving up your need to have him in your life.
You will hurt for some time. Also losing your brother and bringing up your niece will be difficult. There will be so much of your brother in his daughter that will remind you of him. This will never go away. You will have a piece of your brother with you always.
You also say that you are single because no one can emulate your father. You probably won't be able to find someone just like your dad as everyone is unique in thier own way. Don't close the door to happiness. You need to live your life. Your father wouldn't want you to live your life through him. No man should have to walk in another's shadow. This feeling could cause you a lot of unhappiness.
I hope that life does improve for you and that you will have a fulfilled life and your grief will not last too long. Best wishes.

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