Four family members passed last year
My father took himself off to hospital with pains in the stomach in November 2010. The short story is that he died 2.5 months later, the longer version is of pain and more pain. After three failed major operations and a bacterial infection Septicema, he started talking about how we were to arrange his funeral. The week before he died he asked his grandkids to come and visit him. The day before he ate like a starving man. The hospital called late that night to let us know that he had a stroke and if we could come the next day as he didnt have long. I watched him go and I felt nothing. Three days later I was a mess. Two weeks later my 36 year old cousin died of unknown reasons (we thought suicide). Later after the autopsy we found he had bad lungs. My auntie followed her grandson (she died of liver cancer). My mother had been in a nursing home for 7 years with Dementia. She was the last to go 2 months after my father went. She couldnt live with the fact that he wouldnt be visiting her three times a week. My sister and I were trying to get over the other three deaths and we could only visit once a week. I say my mother go as well. My work has been my saviour and so have my children and their family. I do have a few good friends that do understand what I am going through, as they have also lost their parents. Everytime I see a film on someone dying, I cant stop crying. Its been worse in the last few weeks - too much to do in the garden - I dont have help. House is a mess - half renovated. I live with a dog and two cats and they are my life savers. I used to talk to my father like a friend and I miss him terribly. He was my life. My mother who I dont seem to miss that much and I feel awful that I dont. Too much to bear at times. I prefer to be alone with my pets rather then go out. I seem to visit my parents friends that they had and they want me to be a part of their lives. This also helps me to cope. I dont know where I am headed and not sure about what the future will hold for me. I am just happy working with the aged and disability and for now that is enough for me.