Four family members passed last year

by Marina

My father took himself off to hospital with pains in the stomach in November 2010. The short story is that he died 2.5 months later, the longer version is of pain and more pain. After three failed major operations and a bacterial infection Septicema, he started talking about how we were to arrange his funeral. The week before he died he asked his grandkids to come and visit him. The day before he ate like a starving man. The hospital called late that night to let us know that he had a stroke and if we could come the next day as he didnt have long. I watched him go and I felt nothing. Three days later I was a mess. Two weeks later my 36 year old cousin died of unknown reasons (we thought suicide). Later after the autopsy we found he had bad lungs. My auntie followed her grandson (she died of liver cancer). My mother had been in a nursing home for 7 years with Dementia. She was the last to go 2 months after my father went. She couldnt live with the fact that he wouldnt be visiting her three times a week. My sister and I were trying to get over the other three deaths and we could only visit once a week. I say my mother go as well. My work has been my saviour and so have my children and their family. I do have a few good friends that do understand what I am going through, as they have also lost their parents. Everytime I see a film on someone dying, I cant stop crying. Its been worse in the last few weeks - too much to do in the garden - I dont have help. House is a mess - half renovated. I live with a dog and two cats and they are my life savers. I used to talk to my father like a friend and I miss him terribly. He was my life. My mother who I dont seem to miss that much and I feel awful that I dont. Too much to bear at times. I prefer to be alone with my pets rather then go out. I seem to visit my parents friends that they had and they want me to be a part of their lives. This also helps me to cope. I dont know where I am headed and not sure about what the future will hold for me. I am just happy working with the aged and disability and for now that is enough for me.

Comments for Four family members passed last year

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Sep 18, 2012
Four family members passed last year
by: Doreen U.K.

Marina I am sorry for all the people you have lost in your life in such a short time. I am happy that you have good friends and family for support and your pets. I know where you are at as I feel pets are a great comfort. Don't worry too much about where your life is heading. Grief causes us to feel numb and often we can't cry or grieve for certain members of our family who died. Also depends on the type of relationship we had with that individual that affects whether we grieve for them or not or for how long. This is normal. I loved my mum. I was her favourite daughter. I got to the hospital too late and she had passed away. I find it hard to grieve for her. But I feel her loss more now 9 years later. My husband I lost 4 1/2 months ago to cancer and I will never get over this loss EVER. He was my heartbeat. I wouldn't worry too much about the house and garden now. I am doing the same as you. Thinking too much of what has to be done. It is hard for a woman having to get this work done. Make a priority list and tick off every job once it is done. I usually do the house decoration and the garden. Can't get motivated to do this at the moment. I am makeing the wrong decisions at the moment as my husband and I did this together. I am makeing some very expensive mistakes at the moment and can't continue to do this so I may put my plans on hold just now. My biggest problem is sorting out Steve's garage and all his tools so that I can convert the garage into a Gymn for our daughter living at home and a qualified Gymn instructor and personal trainer. She can use this space. but it will take time to put into place. I just see this as a slow growing project. It is more getting back my motivation. My husband was a carpenter and I was his labourer for over 47yrs. We worked well together. I hate doing this myself now. Don't look too far ahead into the future because this can change so quickly. Take one day at a time and enjoy what you are doing. You seem to be a positive person. You know what you need and comfortable with in your life. You will succeed. You also have people that want to surround you with love and be part of their family. This will be reasuring. Crying is part of our grief. Cry as much as you need to. This is where our HEALING comes from.

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