Four Losses in less than two months

by Melissa
(Colorado Springs, CO, USA)

In November, just before Thanksgiving, I lost a high school friend. He had been sick a month previously. We all thought he was doing better. Unexpectedly, he was gone. A heart attack. His mother had just passed away the week before. I think the loss of his mother was just too much for him. He was a wonderful, sweet person, with much to offer others. He will be greatly missed at our high school reunion this year.

November 26 brought the last day together for me and my beloved 16 year old kitty. She wasn't just a cat. She was with me through some really hard times in my life. I'd had her since she was 8 weeks old. She sat by my side, in my lap, slept beside me for every day of her life; listening to my "stuff" and purring. Making the decision to let her go peacefully was the right decision. I will love her and miss her always.

December 31 I lost a friend of 14 years to cancer. He had been diagnosed just two years ago. I am still amazed at his strength which he carried right to the end. He was a man of integrity, a husband that most women dream of, and a father who brought up his children to be respectful of others, well mannered, and so loving and giving. I think what made the loss of him so hard for me, is that the relationship between him and his wife, reminded me so much of the relationship of my own parents. If ever two people were meant to be together, it was them. They are soul mates. His wife is a strong woman. I look up to her. She is amazing. I know she will continue to parent her children as she and her husband always have. My heart goes out to them.

Side note - I remember when my father passed away in 1989. After the funeral was over.... the days passed.... And I had to return to my home 2000 miles away from my mother. Leaving her was so difficult. My mother and I talked about this many times. How hard it was for her once everyone was gone. Everyone went back to their lives; but she was alone. I felt helpless. I know the many cards I sent to her were a small comfort. The daily phone calls weren't enough. She still grieves for my father and misses him, as do I. So, keeping this in mind, I don't want this to happen to my friend. She is not the type of person to ask for help. I don't know what to do to help her. But, I can cook. I've decided I will take a meal to her every Friday till she tells me, "hey, you can stop now".

Yesterday, I lost a young friend. She was only 24. Married with a young child. She took her own life. I am so heart broken. I just can't take this pain. I can't believe she is gone. This young woman was the type of person to light up the room when she walked in. All of her friends and family loved her so much. She was beautiful inside and out, and now.... she is gone. I didn't know her parents, but I will still contact them to see if they need any help.

I don't know how to deal with all of this loss. I really don't. I'm numb. Then panic attacks start. I am calling my doctor tomorrow and asking for a referral to a counseling center. I need to get help.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I ask for prayers for the families of these wonderful people who left all too soon.

Comments for Four Losses in less than two months

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Jan 15, 2013
Three losses in 5 months
by: Doreen U.K.

Pat I am sorry for your 3 losses in 5 months. Don't feel ashamed if you are a counsellor and don't know how to help yourself. Doctors, Counsellors and professional people are HUMAN also and when they cut themselves they BLEED. Some people think that all our professional people are supposed to be so strong and help us whilst they may be secretly depressed over their own issues. No one is immune to suffering. I not only used the services of a counsellor I went on to give back 8 years in voluntary work to Mental Health Services. Times my Psychologist/Counsellor Boss needed encouragement. He was giving of himself to other people and sooner or later it is human to feel depleted and need to take time out for Healing. So don't feel bad that you are supposed to have all the answers for people and you are supposed to be so strong that others lean on you. This is a Myth. You are SKILLED. You are probably good at your job, but even counsellors have supervision and need this support otherwise they would not be able to do their jobs. They would counter transfer to their clients. You also have to establish boundaries so you are not able to be vulnerable due to the nature of your work. This is sad. Because the thought is always there that if someone you knew saw you crying they would immediately judge you and feel that you couldn't do your job and you are supposed to be supportive to others. I one time went into counselling and my counsellor took a phone call. I knew it was wrong but she needed to take this call. She was worried she may have a brain tumour. I wanted to support her with words but couldn't because of the boundary issue. You will know what I mean and I hope this comforts you.

Jan 14, 2013
4 losses in less than 2 months
by: Pat

Dear Melissa,

I am new to this site and can't tell when you posted your blog about losing 4 loved ones, but I could tell you were and may still be in terrible pain. I actually thought I had "cornered the market" on the number of losses in a short period of time, but yours topped mine. It doesn't really matter, since loss is loss and dealing with it is different for everyone. I lost my brother, father, and fiancee within 5 mons. in 2011 and I am still grieving and stuck in a rut as to how to move forward. You mentioned you were going to call your doctor for a referral to a counselor. I hope you were able to get that help. I hate to say it, but I am a counselor myself, but my training has done very little to help me deal with my losses. I am so glad to have found this site where grieving people can communicate with each other. I wish you well. I hope you will post again and let us know how you are.

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