Four months, three family deaths
by Candace McC
(Seattle, WA USA)
Me with my mother on Halloween, earlier this year.
I still cannot seem to get over losing my brother from a self-inflicted gunshot wound on Saturday, May 20, 1995; my favorite aunt dying on Friday, June 9, 1995; and my father on Tuesday, September 26, 1995, following a brain aneurysm that occurred on Monday, September 25, 1995. The hardest thing is that I never got to say goodbye to any or them, because they all died so suddenly.
Then I was burdened with a 72-year-old problem child, my mentally and physically disabled mother, while trying to raise two young children as a single parent. My mother was being taken pretty good care of by my brother and my father, but she has been far more than I could handle and it doesn't help that she re-wrote my father's will and got the equity out of my house and I am dealing with health problems of my own and I don't even smoke or drink. My mother very well may outlive me. It isn't so much that my family now struggles from unnecessary financial stress as well, it's more the betrayal of my mother in regard to the financial burden that has hurt me the most.
I miss the success I once experienced in the music business and as a music teacher. I'm trying to start over now that I have moved my mother to a far better facility than the one she chose. I wound up moving her 5 times in 3 years and I still seem to be recovering from that. I fear that my life will never again be on track and that I'll soon die young too, as I continue to be drained by my mother, who has never told me she loved me – not ever, even though I've been kind and told her that myself, as I refuse to lower the standards of my integrity.
I continue to do just about everything for my mother outside of the facility (she has dementia), like doctor appointments and birthday parties, I have my standards. You won’t see me being odd trying to get even – one of my dad’s favorite sayings.
I have an older brother and sister who are retired, but I'm the one who usually does most everything as I have done for my mother for the past 18 years, with nothing but complaints from her about me to other people, which doesn't help either. My family thinks I should be willing to work for free, but I have to sleep sometime. I'm not Superman!
Why can't I just move on and return to my life as it once was? Will this heartache and misery ever end?