Francis P. Holt... What stage of grief is this?
by Hope M. Holt
It's heading towards the 5th month, May 6th, 2010.
Yet I do not understand this latest form of grief.
I don't give a Damn.
Yet feel guilt and sadness as I try to pull myself together.
Pride, a haircut finally, taking that bath for the "me time" I'm supposed to have.
It's an ambivalence so different from the usual good and bad days that I expect.
Most daily tasks remind me of him.
A shirt of his makes me clutch my heart as if the memory tore it.
Is this healing?
I should care, sometimes I do, other times I wonder, What am I doing this for? who cares?