Friends with benefits


(Texas)

My friend died about 9 months ago. He crashed while driving a modified, souped up golf cart drunk. We were on again/ off again type of relationship. He was always seeing other girls and I let him know I knew and I hated it so I eventually told him I wanted a relationship or nothing at all. He would always tell me he would give up the other girls but he never did for long, he said he just couldn't do a relationship. Well I got tired of it and stopped talking to him, and he would call and text me begging for me to let him take me on a date, I told him that his bridges were burned and I couldn't trust him. All he wanted was one more chance and one first official date. I found out at the funeral he really was trying to make amends with everyone and start over right this time. It just breaks my heart that I don't give him that one last chance, date, or one last kiss. 9 months later and I have dreamt about him almost every night since his passing and have tried to let go and forgive myself. I just don't know if this pain will ever go away.

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