From a family of 5 to a family of 2 in four years.

by Mary Colletti
(Clearwater, FL)

My surviving daughter and myself

My surviving daughter and myself

I lost my son suddenly and unexpectedly in an accident five years ago. A year and a half later, my husband of almost 35 years died after a short bout of lung cancer. He never was sick in his life. Two Years later, my daughter died after 25 year battle with brain cancer.

I have one surviving daughter and four grandchildren and pray daily they stay healthy. It scares me to death that my daughter still hasn't stopped smoking. I am so angry about this, but can't express it bc it makes her angry and we need each other too much. Her losses were great also, her Dad, brother and sister. We were a very close family.

I have no help to offer others except that I believe in God, and that I will see them again one day. The pain doesn't leave, but there are longer periods between bouts of grief. I'm talking hours.

Comments for From a family of 5 to a family of 2 in four years.

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Feb 04, 2013
Dear Mary,
by: Pat

I am so sorry for your losses and the fear you harbor for your daughter who will not stop smoking. She probably finds comfort in smoking. It's a way for her to deal with her own grief. Nagging at her to stop will not help either of you. I do suggest you ask her not to smoke inside your home. That exposes you to second-hand smoke and that is lethal too. You have written here because you are reaching out for help. Keep working at that and you will be the role model daughters always seek from their mothers. You might look for a grief support group in your local area. They are free and are usually held at churches, community centers, or hospice agencies. It helps because everyone in the group is going through the same thing. I attended 1 last Spring. I am also dealing with 3 losses. If your daughter sees you going to a support group, perhaps, she will want to go with you. I am sure there will be people in the group who have lost loved ones due to cancer, even lung cancer, because it is so prevalent. Your surviving daughter might feel a connecetion to someone else who has lost someone after smoking for years. We all have habits that are not healthy. Just support your daughter in positive ways. When she feels stronger and able to make her own decision to quit smoking, she will. I wish the best for both of you. You need each other. Look for ways to support each other. Let me know how you are doing. I send you hugs. I am alone in my grief. I have no family to turn to. I am trying to find a new normal for myself, but it isn't easy.

Feb 04, 2013
Thank you
by: Mary Colletti

Your comments were very kind and understanding. Really appreciate ur taking the time.

Feb 03, 2013
From a family of 5 to a family of 2 in four years
by: Doreen U.K.

Mary I am sorry for your loss of your husband of 35yrs. Your son and also your daughter. This is such a heavy loss of 3 very significant people from your close family. It must feel as if you have lost everything. This is your immediate family you have lost. I can understand your concern for your surviving daughter smoking and the thought of losing her also. You are not wrong to be concerned and speak about this. It is very irresponsible of your daughter to not hear what you are saying and at least try and understand. I am so glad to hear that you believe in God and will see your loved ones again. I believe as you do and this is what gives me Hope to carry on. You see I lost my husband of 44yrs. 10 months ago to MESOTHELIOMA a rare and serious form of lung cancer caused by working with asbestos. this cancer is incurable, inoperable and aggressive. I nursed my husband for over 3yrs.39days and saw him die slowly with the light gone out of his eyes after his diagnosis which was the worst day of our lives. Going through the Chemo, Radiotherapy and being seriously ill with no quality of life for over 3yrs. was such a strain. I too wait for Jesus to come back to earth for us and to re-unite us with our loved ones again. No more Grief or sorrow or pain is something to look forward to. Keep up your Faith and belief and this will see you and us all through our dark days of sorrow and grief.

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