From a recent widow who is unable to cry
I've been reading many posts here from everyone who has lost a loved one, for the past two months. I lost my Fiancee/Domestic Partner, Bill, of six years, on Feb. 1st, 2012, very suddenly, due to a massive brain aneurysm. He never regained consciousness, and was declared brain dead within 24 hours. We have a long back story together. We both met and were in a relationship for several years back in the late 1960's. After many years apart, and bad marriages for both of us, we found each other and came back together again in 2006. We were destined to live the rest of our lives together, with plans of marriage in the near future. We had both finally found our soul mates.
What has been so difficult for me is there was never any closure. I never had the opportunity to say goodbye, and I love you; only by his bedside, while he was unconscious. This has been the only moment that I cried, briefly. I have not been able to cry since then. I understand that everyone goes through grief in their own way, but I'm still experiencing shock and numbness; just going through the motions of everyday life on auto-pilot, and waiting for the big crash. What I can describe, is a feeling of intense emptiness, loneliness, and fatigue, but the emotional switch has been subconsciously shut off for now.
Thank you to all of you who have shared your stories of love and pain,as well as love and hope for the future. Your kind words of sympathy and encouragement have been a true gift for me, and many others.