From we to me or who I am
Death has changed all of us and yes there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am not there yet, but one day I will see it. I am trying to learn who I am as ME and not as WE. I retired almost a year ago come the 29th of April. Spent 20 years of my life doing accounts payable. I decided that I need to go back to work to occupy my time, but only part time and not back into accounting because I... do not want the pressure. I want to make a difference in someone"s life. I want to be able to help them live a better life. I am not sure what direction my life will take but if I can make one life better then I have done something good for someone. Life is to short. I want to do something for others where I can make a difference.
These are quotes from a book I finished reading today "The Light at the End of the Tunnel". "When your spouse dies, many people want to be supportive, but they don't know what to do or what to say. And they think that by not discussing it, they are helping you "go on." What they do not realize is that you really need to be able to talk about it. Putting it away is kind of like throwing away the person you've lost...people need to let you have your memories and deal with your loss" by Shanna Hugie. Another one which rang so true is "I guess you could sum up my philosophy of life in this quote: "Yesterday is history; tomorrow is a mystery; today is a gift; that why it's called the present." by Gerry Werner.
I know that I will get there someday. I am not sure when. Time is but a thing as we try to endure this journey none of us ever wanted.
"Give us time Lord to find our way. We are like lost sheep. Only time will help us through this journey and our faith in you, Lord. Be patient and kind with all of us, including our children who are lost. They to are trying their best. They may seem angry but it is the only emotion that they have right now. Do not be angry with them as they are learning to come to grips with the death of their father/mother.
I know life is not fair. We must learn to be and it is not an easy one. May we all be able to look back and say with confidence, "I would not be here if it was not for the Grace of God."
Watch over my family tonight and keep them safe. Take special care of Jim and let him know I miss him everyday. My life is no longer complete. I will move on and with your guidance, do what you have planned for me. You and you alone knows what the future may hold. I trust your wisdom and your guidance.
One Breath, One Step and One Day At A Time is all we can do.