Full of emotions...My beautiful angel....I miss her

by Racquel

I lost my mother a year ago to Alzheimer's disease. She passed away on January 10, 2013. It was truly the most painful day of my life because that was the very last time I would see her.It was hard to let her go. All I could do was hug her and cry...I didn't want to let go. And now, even if a year has passed I still have those recurring thoughts of her lifeless body, of her funeral, of her very last days. It is still as emotional to me now as it was on the day that she passed. Some days are better than others. Other days I am completely overwhelmed by her death. I try my best to talk to my friends which is difficult because I don't want to be a burden to anyone by being an emotional wreck all of the time. However, I don't want to go through this alone either. It has gotten worse over the last year and I'm beginning to feel as if I'm never going to get pass this. When I'm thinking about her I tend to isolate myself from everyone and everything. Things I used to be passionate about I'm not that passionate about anymore. Every accomplishment in my life after her death means little or nothing to me (at times) because she is not here with me to share my good news with her. Everyone always tell me that she knows and sees everything I do and that she is one of my angels watching over me and yes, I feel a sense of comfort just knowing that. However, it is still difficult knowing that physically I can't hug her and kiss her and talk to her. I pray everyday that I am able to be strong and to accept things that I can't change. I know that God not only hear my prayers but everyone who has and is still coping with the loss of a loved one. All I know how to do is to take it one day at a time. Even in the midst of my very sad days I try to remember all of the good things about her and cope but it is still extremely difficult because at the same time I feel like a piece of me is missing. And that there is nothing I can do to fill that void. I know she wouldn't want me to feel this way, after all she was the happiest most carefree, beautiful person I knew and I wouldn't have asked for a better role model. She would want me to be happy but some days I'm not. Most of my days are just full of emotion. I just miss her and love her soooooooo much....She was the best mother any girl could ask for.....

Comments for Full of emotions...My beautiful angel....I miss her

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Sep 03, 2014
Thank you!
by: Racquel

I just want to sincerely thank everyone for their beautiful comments. It is good to know that outside of our families we have a support group who has not only been through the same things but understands all the emotions that come with losing a loved one. I will definitely take everyone's comment to heart and continue to cope with it each and everyday. And for each of you I too am sorry for your loss. Though it is truly hard to accept, we can all still manage to keep ourselves together at difficult times such as these. I am so grateful that I found a place where I can just release everything. It has truly helped a lot..Thank you guys so much for your support.

Aug 29, 2014
Grief is hard
by: Karen

I know the feeling of loss. My mom just passed away August 19th 2014. I only find comfort because she is not suffering anymore and she now finds a place of peace with the Greatest Power of the Universe and she took with her my love. You never get over this loss. You only find ways to comfort yourself during difficult moments. Your mom used to comfort and celebrate with you. She still can but you have to accept her angel presence. You are part of her so she is still with you...find comfort in that thought and know she sits next to you but lives in your heart. Make your heart happy so she has a joyful place to reside.

Aug 29, 2014
Full of emotions....My beautiful angel....I miss her
by: Doreen UK

Rasquell You seem to be stuck in grief and not able to move forward which is why the pain of grief is being prolonged. Best thing you could do for yourself is to take yourself off for some grief counselling. We all lose our motivation after losing our loved one's. WE find it hard to get that motivation back to do anything, despite taking one day at a time.
Friends have their place but can often give us the wrong advice. Friends can also get fed up with our grief and so vanish from our lives. Don't wait till this happens. Seek help now. You will look back and see how you have moved forward. You need to reclaim your life and live it to the best of your ability. Change is difficult and often we don't know where to begin. Counsellors are the best people to work with whilst grieving. You will get your life back and be able to be in a happier place.

Aug 28, 2014
I feel your pain
by: Rachel

What you just wrote is exactly how I feel everyday. I'm sorry for your loss as well. It's been about 9 months since my mom passed away and I still feel the pain I did the day she died. I never thought this day would come yet. Like, it's so so so so hard to push through everyday. Especially since I'm in high school still. It honestly is a battle everyday to stay as strong as possible and move forward. I'll never fully be okay but I will always try to push forward. I just want to tell you that you sound so strong and I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Please remember that your mom loves you so much and she misses you just as much as you miss her, if not more. Everyday is a war that you have to battle through. But you're a tough soldier and you CAN do it. You can cry and scream and miss her all you want, but you CAN NOT give up on life. She walks raids you every single day loving you, helping you, and protecting you. She is with you where ever you go. You can do this, I know you can. It's okay to feel down, but know that she is forever and always with you. Keep your head up and keep pushing forward. You got this!

Aug 28, 2014
Feel so Alone
by: Josie

My heart goes out to you because I totally understand what your going through and it is something that will never go away we just have to learn to live with it until we meet again. My Mom had 4 sons her oldest who passed away at the age of 2. She had 3 more sons and I was the youngest her only daughter. I was raised in a very dysfunctional family, but I loved my Mom very much. I lost my Dad 25yrs ago & 18 mos later I lost my brother it was devastating for me like you said a piece of you is taken, then 9yrs ago my Mom got pneumonia I live out of State but I was there as much as possible she kept trying to tell me something but I couldn't understand because she had the breathing tube to this day I have not forgiven myself because I had to leave & I told her I would be back on the weekend I had to go to work she shook her head and said "No" I left in tears she died that week with no one with her. The following year my oldest brother died and I lost my final brother on Mother's day last year. I am on depression meds & have no support from my kids no one understands unless they have been through it. I feel like an orphan now I'm the only one left I'm 54yrs & I ask God to please take me I want to be with my family. But it's not my time I pray everyday and cry by myself but there is no time limit on grieving. May God comfort you and know as time goes by you will only learn how to live with it because life will never ever be the same. God bless and take care.

Aug 28, 2014
Full of emotions.. My beautiful angel.... I miss her
by: Jane

Yes Racquel it is hard to let our loveones go. My mother has died on the 8 th of May 2013. Yes it is still pretty hard to let her go, but I said to my Mom when I saw her suffer nad fight against the death, "Mom, just let go you have had enough to fight in your life. And than I felt that she was worring about me, because she knows that I am alone without her, so I told her my biggest lie I ever said: "Mom, just let go, I get along by my self." And than she could go. But I don´t get along by my self, I still miss her so much and will miss her for ever. Your words brought a few tears out of my eyes. I couldn´t cry now for 3 weeks. All my feelings had gone since my best friend is going to die soon. Racquel I think all your feeling and thoughts a normal. It belongs to our big loose and grieving. But you are writing that some days are better than the others. The griefing is already changing. The grieving waves are getting smaller and than Comes a big one which is overwhelming you. I think, that grieving is like waves.It is changing to big ones and sometimes are coming small waves. Well, I understand, that you are missing your mother with her Body, to feel her, hug and kisses, see her smile on her face and her loving eyes. I miss this all too so much. You have accept the death with your head but your Soul didn´t accept the death of your loving Mom. It needs so much time til the Soul will accept the death of your Mom. It only goes very little steps. Otherwise it is to much for your Soul and the little child who lives inside your Soul. Your Soul open it´s self for the next step when it is time to accept it. You love your Mom so much that it goes real slowly and very little steps. But this is okay. But you wrote some days are better than the other days. That´s how the grieving is working. Just accept it like waves, step by step, day by day. The hole in your heart will stay but the pain in there is going to change. Just put all your good memories about your Mom in this whole, first it will make you cry more and more and one day it will help you to live with the grief and the waves are going to change. Just try to go with the grieving waves. They are a new part of you now. It is so hard to accept them, believe me, I know what I am writing, because I still suffering a lot too. I said to God, " Moms shouldn´t die! Well my head knows that every Body has to die one day, but the little child inside my Soul, wants his Mom back, and nothing else is counting. But we have to remember, there is not only the grief on our side, the HOPE is going with us too. Even if we don´t feel it right now, she is there. She is there and will help us. Maybe one day we will think, "Mom, we will make it, but we will never forget you. And we will allways love you and miss you. You were just the best. Thank you for all your love without any conditions and understanding. Be on my side. Don´t let me alone. And one day Mom, one day, I know, we will see us again."Please God help us to find our way now without our loveones. Be on our side, cary us and hold your loving arms around us. We all need you so much. We cannot go this way without you. Take good care of our Moms and all our loveones. And please God take care off us. Don´t let us go alone this grieving way. Open your arms for every one off us. We all do need you. Thank you. Your Jane

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