My precious mum died recently. I am all that is left of her sad life.

At three years old she was left on the street by a bailiff - homeless. So it came as no surprise to her even as a child that her mum and sister died young.

Mum passed all her exams but left school early as she was so poor.

My father managed to repeat the sad pattern and mum lost the first home she bought.

I am left so sad without her - it is not just the trauma of facing every day without alone but since I have been sorting her photos and documents all her broken dreams have resurfaced.

Just when she could have enjoyed her retirement she became very ill and was snatched from me after picking up a hospital virus. Was my love enough for this beautiful person after such grief ? Before her death she confidided in me having to abort a younger sibling because she had no where to turn. Mum had carried the unhappiness of this with her for years with no-body to confide in - she told me she made this decision which she regretted - as she did not want me to go into care.

That baby might have been the sister I never had and would have understood my despair. I do not blame mum but the awful circumstances she found herself in.

I cry all the time for a wonderful mum who never had a chance of happiness. Was my love enough to take away some of her pain?


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Mar 16, 2013
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear INCONSOLABLE I am sorry for your loss of your mum and for the pain you have been left with. Living in Scotland I grew up poor. It was like an inheritance passed down the generations. One couldn't climb out of this pit of despair. I can understand your story of heartache, loss, despair at times for what life gave your family. But somehow with all the suffering and lot in life your mum would have been happier born in her generational time than now. Somehow we cope with our lot in life. But I understand your hurt and pain for your mum and what life gave her. My father has a similar story to tell of a father who was rich but blew all his money and my father had to go to school with cardboard for soles in his shoes. My father thus grew up hating to spend money and saw spending as waste. He missed out on a lot of life. I guess he never knew what life meant. Life was cruel to him. He saw no joy in life. And he lives the longest. He is 91yrs.
I guess you took away a lot of your mum's pain just by being her daughter. Having you in her life was all the love and happiness she needed.
My husband died of a deadly cancer 10 months ago. We were married 44yrs. He did not get to enjoy his retirement. He worked 47yrs for this and 11months into this he died. He came out of work 2yrs. before retirement due to this cancer. So he had enough time to know he was dying and to feel regret and sadness. I couldn't take away his pain. I felt as helpless as perhaps you feel about your loss with your mum. We as family want to cushion their hurt and pain and to make it all better. But we can't. I guess WE do all we can do and it will still never be enough.
I hope your life gets better in time and your grief gets less in time.

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