by me

I'm so tired. Theres like this whole world going on outside, and i'm just to tired. I found her at 10 in the morning and i tried so damn hard to make her wake up. CPR, chest compressions. 911 operator yelling at me. i just wanted her to wake up. She didnt and now i am in hell. I hate everyone. I miss her so damn much. God!!

Comments for Gen

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Mar 08, 2012
Thank you
by: larry

She was my wife, my best friend, my world. i dont need explain the pain to you as you already understand. I lost her right at 4 months ago. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment with such encouragement. It really helps to know that we are not alone through this. Thank you.

Mar 08, 2012
I lost my beautiful baby
by: Georgie

I too found my son Blake had fallen asleep and never woken up, he looked asleep but as soon as I awoke that morning I just knew. He wasn't wriggling. My partner too did CPR and we even took Blake in the ambulance, God they tried but said he had already been gone for an hour or two. He was still warm. I think the first thing I felt- Pure ANGER. WHY was Blake chosen to go ? Such a happy contented baby. And what made me angry most of all was the fact that everyone else was going about their lives, I felt like standing in the middle of the Earth and shouting 'Excuse me ! My son has died, my beautiful 10 week old baby boy is gone so you damn well STOP'. Soon these feelings turned to guilt, did he have an underlying problem I never spotted ? How can I have carried on sleeping, surely as a mother I would have awoke and implicitly known he was in danger, i.e. not breathing ? It was only three and a half weeks ago so I am still, like you, trying to work through this grief. I feel like I don't want my life anymore and don't deserve it, I also have a beautiful daughter who is 6 and a supportive partner but all I want at the moment is Blake, and no that doesn't make me selfish at all. For the rest of my life I will have questions, would Blake have liked this ? or, He would have been starting school today......... and to me, the prospect of the rest of my life without my Blake is just a thought I can't see happening. So believe me when I say I understand.

Mar 07, 2012
For Gen
by: Janet

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. I understand the pain that you are going through right now. Yes it is a very difficult and long journey that we must travel. Life is not fair to any of us when it comes to grief, but in our own way we can make it be. We have one of two choices either move on or not. The grieving process works on its own time not ours. There is nothing that we can do but to deal with it the best we can.
I do not know if this is your wife, mother, friend or someone very special to you. All any of us can do is grieve in our own way but life does still go on. I lost my husband just over 4 months ago and I know that the pain that I feel is real. I wish he was here beside me right now but I know and am coming to accept the fact that he is not here physically but he is with me spiritually. I will get cold for now reason and I am learning to just sit down and image that he is with me and feel him wrap his arms around me and say that everything is okay. I get a peaceful feeling knowing that he is with me even though I can not see him nor touch him but he is here.
Just remember one breath, one step, one day at a time. That is all any of us can do as we travel this long road/journey called grief. Life does not prepare us for it. I guess this is what they would say is part of the "School of Hard Knocks". Even though I do not like it, I know in the end that I will survive and learn to enjoy life again.
My thoughts and prayers are with you my friend. May God hold you gently in the palm of His hand. May he watch over you each and every day and keep you in his comforting embrace.

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